Uncertainty [Oneshot] - Part 2

[h_itoshi]

Title: Uncertainty
Fandom: Kis-My-Ft2
Pairing(s): Nikaido/Senga, Yokoo/Fujigaya, Miyata/Tamamori
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 12289 (split in two parts)
Summary: The thing is, that since he's never had a relationship that's lasted this long, he's never had to introduce a boyfriend to his parents.
Notes: Continuation of the University-AU-series. I kept up the prompts-system for this, and this one is "Your OTP getting into a fight and ignoring each other for a few days". (Got A LOT of shit for choosing that one, but I'm pleased). And oh god look at the wordcount what happened there lol.

 

Miyata opens the door before Nikaido can even ring the doorbell, eyes dark with worry as he gives Nikaido a long look and then lets him inside.

“Tama's here but he's sleeping.” Miyata says softly, watching Nikaido take off his jacket with shaky hands.

He's spent the entire train ride trying not think about anything, forcing himself to just look out the window or at commercial ads or at other people to keep his thoughts from wandering and tears from running. But now he doesn't even take off his shoes before flinging his arms around Miyata's neck and starts crying, just letting all his anxiety and regret for this whole thing pour out with the tears.

“Nika...” Miyata says softly, but it's not a question, it sounds more like a pitying 'what happened to you', and it makes Nikaido clutch at the fabric of Miyata's worn fandom T-shirt and cry harder.

Miyata lets Nikaido cry, patting his back a little awkwardly as Nikaido wets his shoulder, and it feels good, safe.

Eventually, Nikaido pulls back, and he wipes his nose with his sleeve and tries to rub some dried salt from his cheeks.

“... Did you fight?” Miyata asks gently, and Nikaido nods, not trusting his voice.

Miyata bites his lip thoughtfully for a second. “Do you want tea?”

Nikaido is a little surprised, but he nods, thinking that at least he'd like something warm to hold and coffee would not work right now.

“Okay.” Miyata nods slowly. “I'll make some tea then, you go wash your face or something. You look awful.”

Nikaido tries to smile but it doesn't work, so he just nods and Miyata disappears into the kitchen. Nikaido takes off his shoes and heads for the tiny bathroom, turning on the lights and blinks at himself in the mirror. He really does look awful, swollen and red and pathetic, and he quickly washes his face in cold water to get rid of some of it. At least the water feels calming against his skin, and after he's wiped his face with a towel he feels like he can sort of breathe again.

Miyata sits by the dinner table, a steaming cup before him and another one set on the table before the empty chair opposite. Nikaido sits down with a sigh, wrapping his hands around the cup and lets it warm him.

“So uhm...” Miyata says, sounding a little uncertain. “You wanna talk about it?”

Nikaido bites his lip and looks into the hot liquid in his cup, because he doesn't even want to think about it. “I... don't know.”

“... At least tell me what it's about?” Miyata tries, and Nikaido figures he owes him that much, for coming here in the middle of the night crying like a baby.

“Uhm.” Nikaido tries, clears his throat a little since it's starting to close up again. “At first it was about Ken-chan kissing Gaya. Then it was about him not getting to meet my parents.”

Miyata makes an acknowledging sound but then stays quiet, sipping his tea.

“I just...” Nikaido continues, feeling like he needs to explain himself, swallowing to keep his voice clear. “My mom and dad pretty much stopped talking to me when I told them about my sexuality. I don't want them to do anything to put Kento down.”

Miyata looks thoughtful for a moment. “... Does he know? About your parents?”

Nikaido shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “I didn't... I didn't want him to know. I don't want the mess with my family to spoil anything.”

Miyata nods slowly in understanding, and Nikaido's happy he went here instead of to Yokoo. Yokoo would just tell him how he brought this on himself instead of just listen and understand.

Nikaido sips his tea, and it's hot and sweet and just what he needs to try and soothe his aching heart a little.

“You wanna sleep on the couch?” Miyata asks after a few minutes, and Nikaido nods thankfully.

He falls asleep the instant he lies down on the couch, probably from exhaustion, but it's not without an ache in his chest when he remembers Senga won't send him any good night text.

 

Nikaido wakes when someone sits down on his legs, and it takes him a minute to wake up enough to realize where he is and what's going on.

“Good morning.” Tamamori greets and settles more comfortably, hopping back enough to lay his legs over Nikaido's while holding a cup carefully.

Nikaido just groans as yesterday night comes back to him, and he tries to tug the blanket over his head so he can go back to sleep and forget about life, but Tamamori's weight holds it down.

“Hey. Hiding won't help.” Tamamori says and he gives Nikaido a glance of compassion. “Shape up a little.”

“Easy for you to say.” Nikaido mumbles, raising a hand to touch his face. His head hurts and he feels that his eyes are swollen from crying, and he really just wants to stay in bed all day and cry some more.

“Tama-chan.” Miyata's head peeks out from the kitchen, expression a little sheepish. “I told you to wake him up nicely didn't I?”

“And I did.” Tamamori says confidently, before holding the cup out for Nikaido. “I brought you coffee.”

Nikaido blinks at him for a second in disbelief, but then sits up and accepts the cup, the strong smell of coffee clearing his mind enough to say thanks.

“So you and Ken-chan had a fight huh?” Tamamori says, but his tone isn't prying at all, just compassionate.

“Mm.” Nikaido nods slowly, just holding the coffee cup since it's too hot to drink yet.

“Didn't see that coming.” Tamamori says quietly, and Nikaido's stomach tightens because he didn't either. “Ken-chan's not very good at being angry though. He'll come around for sure.”

Even though that's not very likely right now, Nikaido appreciates the support, and it actually makes him feel a little better to have people on his side.

Miyata calls from the kitchen that if they want breakfast they'll have to come get it now or he'll put everything away, and Tamamori jumps up, gruffing something about Miyata being a bad housewife. Nikaido pulls his legs up now that no one's sitting on them, and grabs for his phone on the floor.

There's a text message, but it's from Yokoo wondering if he's okay, and Nikaido's heart sinks a little. He's not okay and Senga doesn't want to know from him.

Then he squints at the screen and sees that it's 06:35 in the morning.

“Nika, you're not having breakfast?” Miyata's voice is suddenly much closer, and Nikaido looks up to see him leaning against the doorpost to the kitchen, mug in hand.

“... Why am I awake this early?” Nikaido asks, but Miyata only chuckles.

“Because you have a class at 8.30 and you should go.” He says. “It'll do you good. Now come have something to eat.”

And so Nikaido walks into class at 8:20, which is at least nine minutes earlier than he normally gets there, and spots Yokoo immediately.

“.... You look terrible.” Yokoo says as soon as Nikaido sits down and he gets a good look at him.

Nikaido winces a little, because he'd even let Tamamori fix him up with some make-up to cover the red and puffy spots on his face. But then again, Yokoo can see on Fujigaya's face how many hours he's slept no matter how much Fujigaya tries to conceal the rings under his eyes. Yokoo must have some kind of make-up-x-ray eyes.

“Thanks.” He mutters and crosses his arms, and Yokoo softens immediately.

“What happened?” He asks, voice gentle and concerned, and Nikaido feels the start of tears burn in his throat, and his tone comes out harsher than he intends.

“I had a fight with Kento. Don't use that tone with me right now or I'm gonna burst out crying.” He hisses, glancing at Yokoo who looks so taken aback that Nikaido feels a little guilty. “Sorry.”

“... Don't mention it.” Yokoo says once he's collected himself from the surprise. “Sorry for not answering yesterday. I had an argument myself.”

“It's okay, I slept at Miyacchi's.” Nikaido tells him, then thinks for a second about the last part of Yokoo's apology. “... The kiss huh?”

Yokoo nods slowly. “Yeah. You too?”

“Yeah, at first.” Nikaido admits. “It kind of escalated from there.”

Yokoo nods in understanding, but then their teacher comes in and they don't talk about it more.

Until lunch.

Yokoo brings Nikaido to one of the least crowded places to eat and settles furthest away in a corner, before demanding Nikaido to tell him everything.

It all pours out of Nikaido, and he barely swallows his tears as he explains what the fight was about, and Yokoo listens intently, chopsticks in hand but not eating anything.

“... It's a mess huh.” He comments when Nikaido's finished talking, and Nikaido just nods. “Well, you clearly need to talk to him about your family.”

“But I don't want to.” Nikaido mutters, and it's true.

“No, I know.” Yokoo says calmly. “But how do you expect him to understand if you don't tell him?”

“Why does he have to overreact like that without even knowing?” Nikaido counters, because he knew Yokoo would take Senga's side and it hurts. “He doesn't know anything about my relationship to my parents so why does he blow up like that?”

“Because he doesn't know.” Yokoo says patiently. “Maybe if you'd tell him I'm sure he'd understand.”

“Why can't he ask? Why do I have to be the one to do it, if he wants to know he could ask me instead of walking around wondering about it.” Nikaido crosses his arms and leans back, and Yokoo gives him a look which clearly says that he's just being difficult, but his answer is interrupted by a greeting.

“You sure hid well.” Tamamori says, and sits down next to Nikaido, followed by Fujigaya gracefully sliding in next to Yokoo, and Miyata taking the seat at the edge of the table.

Nikaido glares at them, not in the mood at all, but Miyata meets his glare with kind, caring eyes and his anger falters a little.

“You don't have to tell us if you don't want to.” Miyata clarifies. “If it's difficult you don't have to, but we just want to help you.”

Nikaido crumbles entirely, and he goes through the story again, a little less detailed this time while the other three listen.

“Hm.” Nikaido hears Tamamori's little sound when he's done telling, and sees the look he exchanges with Miyata, and it has him wondering how their families feel about the two of them being a couple.

“I'm sure it'll be okay Nika.” Fujigaya says seriously, and Nikaido turns to meet his earnest eyes. “He loves you too much to let this ruin anything.”

And even though Fujigaya is hardly Nikaido's favourite person right now, it feels pretty good to hear that. At least until Fujigaya shifts just the slightest and Nikaido sees a poorly hidden hickey on his neck, which clues him into how their argument ended yesterday, and it feels so unfair his hands clench and he looks away.

“He didn't have the easiest time with his parents either you know.” Tamamori says quietly, and that's the first thing Nikaido hears today that actually makes him want to talk about Senga.

“No?” He asks, but Tamamori just shrugs.

“I don't really know that much, but I remember he had it rough with them for a while.” Tamamori says apologetically, and Nikaido avoids Yokoo's pointed glance by finally trying to eat something.

It feels really strange that he's able to go through a day in his life without Senga somewhere. They go to they same university, sure, but they're not in the same buildings, they don't take the same train home and they have no places they both visit regularly where they could bump into each other.

It reminds Nikaido of when he was trying to find a reason to talk to Senga but couldn't think of any, and it makes his chest hurt when he thinks that if they don't actively talk and synch their schedules, there's no way he's meeting Senga. At all.

It hurts in a strange way, because even if they're fighting, he misses Senga, wants to see him, if only to know how he feels, if he's as miserable as Nikaido or if he's okay.

A couple of days pass and every hour seems to mess more and more with Nikaido's head, makes him wake up in the middle of the night to question if this whole relationship is just something he dreamed up. The second night that happens, he gets up and rummages through the piles of clothes on his floor and finally finds one of Senga's T-shirts, pressing his nose into the fabric and breathes in the smell of him to ensure himself that it's real. He falls asleep with the shirt held close, and he almost starts crying with how much he misses Senga.

Worry starts nagging at him that Senga might have forgotten about him, that they've actually broken up and he'll never hear from him again, and if Yokoo's been giving him knowing looks for days, even Miyata starts to look concerned for his health now.

It's the third day since their fight, a Friday, and Nikaido's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, thinking that he can't handle a weekend like this, no way.

“Just fucking call him.” Yokoo says as they gather their things after the last class, and Nikaido knows Yokoo lost his patience with Nikaido already yesterday.

Miyata, who's had this class together with them, glances at Yokoo with a bothered look, and Nikaido knows why. Yokoo hardly takes a hard tone, and he has all day today.

“I can't.” Nikaido hisses back, and the anxiety twirls around in his stomach because if this goes on he's going to get into a fight with Yokoo too, and then he might just as well kill himself.

When they leave the classroom, Miyata tries to talk about something else, something about the weather, but then cuts himself off and stops a few metres outside the door, making Nikaido and Yokoo almost walk into him.

“Mitsu?” He frowns in confusion, and Nikaido's head whips around to where Miyata's looking, finding Kitayama leaning against the opposite wall with his hands in his pockets and a small smile on his lips.

“Hi.” Kitayama says, and something in Nikaido's chest twists because he hasn't seen Kitayama since that night either, and Kitayama is something that comes with Senga.

“What are you doing here?” Miyata asks, confused but pleased as he heads across the corridor, Yokoo and Nikaido in tow.

“Actually, I'm here to see Nika.” Kitayama explains, smiling apologetically at Miyata.

“Oh.” Miyata's eyes widen in understanding, and he glances at Yokoo. “We'll get going then.”

Nikaido tries to protest when Miyata turns to leave because he's not sure he can handle this, but Yokoo looks relieved to follow Miyata, and suddenly he's alone in the corridor with Kitayama, some students from his class still dropping out from the classroom.

“Uhm...” He starts, having no idea what to say but it feels awkward to be quiet.

“Let's go out and eat.” Kitayama suggests, but he doesn't wait for an answer before he turns around and starts walking casually towards the exit, and Nikaido hurries to follow.

“So, how are you?” Kitayama asks as they sit down at a ramen shop and waits for their food. It sounds casual at first, and Nikaido's about to automatically answer 'fine', until Kitayama continues. “Are you like, okay, or more like Ken-chan?”

“I... what?” Nikaido ends up with, because he wants to ask how Senga's doing but he doesn't really dare.

“Well, Kento's a mess these days.” Kitayama explains vaguely, then sighs. “He sucks at dancing too, his head is not there at all and he does wrong more often than he does right.”

Nikaido's not sure what to answer, since there are so many conflicting emotions within him right now. He's happy that Senga's not okay with this either, but he's also hurt by hearing just how bad he is, and a little suspicious of Kitayama's motive.

“So you're here to make sure he can do the dances again?” Nikaido asks finally, feeling a little betrayed.

Kitayama gives him an unimpressed look. “Sometimes I really wonder why he loves you so much. No stupid, I'm here because I'm his friend.”

Nikaido blushes a little, thinking that maybe that was an unnecessary comment. “Sorry.”

“It's okay.” Kitayama says. “Kento keeps calling me all kinds of nasty things when I try to make him talk to you, but he won't budge, so I figured I'd play the drama-best-friend and do it for him.”

Nikaido looks suspiciously at him while the waitress comes with their food and Kitayama digs in. “Yeah?”

“Mm.” Kitayama agrees around a mouthful of noodles, and Nikaido waits until his mouth is free to speak again. “Look, I've only heard his version of this, but I think you're both a little ridiculous.”

That makes Nikaido's hackles rise, and he's tempted to ask Kitayama how Senga can possible like him so much. “I'm not ridiculous, he's stubborn.”

“You both are.” Kitayama rolls his eyes, but his tone is serious. “Ken-chan's crying so much he's probably going to dissolve into atoms soon, and you don't exactly look fine. Just talk to him?”

“Why can't he talk to me?” Nikaido mutters, and he hears how selfish it sounds but he really doesn't see why he has to fix this when Senga was the one to get angry. “He's the one who told me to leave, he's the one who's fighting.”

“You hurt him.” Kitayama says, and Nikaido's feels a twinge to his heart that is both guilt and irritation.

“He hurt me too.” Nikaido counters quietly, looking away.

“Yes, I know.” Kitayama's voice is calm, and it makes Nikaido look back at him. “I know he did. But I don't know how. I only know what he feels.”

Nikaido blinks, forgetting his food temporarily.

“I'm not asking you to tell me, I really don't want to know.” Kitayama hurries to add. “I'm just saying which perspective I have, so don't lash out at me for not considering your feelings okay? I don't know anything about them.”

Nikaido nods slowly. That is probably the smartest thing he's ever heard Kitayama say, and still the words somehow bother him, feels uncomfortable.

“So, I'm just gonna talk to you about what he's told me, and then you can decide if you want to talk to him, yes?” Kitayama asks, and Nikaido just nods again.

He can't even remember a conversation where he's talked this little.

“I know you have some kind of mess with your family.” Kitayama starts, then shoves a piece of meat into his mouth and it makes him pause.

“Yeah, I... Yeah. We don't really get along.” Nikaido admits since it feels weird not saying anything. “At all, in fact.”

“I've figured.” Kitayama says when he's done chewing. “He's just really upset you didn't tell him about it.”

“Yeah I know but I don't want him to meet them and they'll ruin everything we've-” Nikaido starts, but Kitayama interrupts him with a shove.

“No, that's not what I said. He's upset you just didn't tell him that you don't get along with your parents.” Kitayama explains like Nikaido's five years old, and it upsets him at the same time as he has to admit that he might need it. “He wouldn't have pushed meeting them if he knew why you didn't want him to.”

“I...” Nikaido starts, but he can't think of what else he wants to say.

“And honestly, it's pretty clear you've never had a girlfriend.” Kitayama says with a joyless smile. “You don't just tell your lover that you don't expect them to keep loving you. It's not like you gain anything from trying to guilt-trip them.”

“I did not.” Nikaido objects fiercely enough for Kitayama to raise an eyebrow. “I only meant that he's so good to me, that I can't understand what he sees in me and whether he'll continue seeing it.”

“Just accept that he does see something.” Kitayama's voice is firm now. “You shouldn't overthink anyone else's feelings. If he loves you, he does, period. You can't say you don't expect him to keep liking you, he takes that as a personal insult. Like he doesn't give you enough or something.”

“That's ridiculous, he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.” Nikaido protests, and Kitayama raises a reminding eyebrow at him.

“Don't shoot the messenger.” He says curtly. “I'm just saying that's how he sees it. That you don't feel comfortable enough to share your problems with him, and that he doesn't give you all the love you need.”

Nikaido just stares at Kitayama because that's absurd and nothing like what he meant or even remotely close to what he said that night. “What!?”

“Trust me, I think it's a little far-fetched too. But I guess that's how he perceived it.” Kitayama shrugs.

Nikaido is already picking up his stuff. “I'm going to see him.”

He's in such a rush to get out without forgetting something that he barely catches Kitayama's satisfied smile.

 

It takes Nikaido until he's rung the doorbell of Senga's apartment to realize what time it is. He quit early today but Senga still shouldn't be home for an hour or so. He sighs deeply, feeling like a punctured balloon with all the nervousness he's built up within running off, the temporary courage to come talk to him that now has to be postponed.

He sinks down against the wall next to the door, thinking that if he leaves now he'll never be brave enough to come back. It's a little cold to sit on the floor, and it's pretty stupid too, he figures. He has no idea when Senga gets home, if he even does tonight. That thought has something in his stomach twisting, and even if it'd just be to meet a friend or something, it makes him jealous to think of Senga not coming home.

Nikaido's not sure whether it's a good or bad thing that all he does as time passes is think. Sometimes the thoughts “should I at least check my facebook or something” and “this is so stupid what the hell am I even doing” pass through his brain but he doesn't acknowledge them, taking his time to ponder the important thoughts instead.

Some of Senga's neighbours come up the stairs with school bags or groceries and gives Nikaido long questioning looks, but he ignores them as best as he can, trying to look like he hasn't been there long and that he knows when Senga's coming.

When he finally does, Nikaido is completely unprepared even though he's been glancing at his watch every other minute for the past hour, thinking that he should show up soon.

Senga's got his headphones on and his practice bag over his shoulder, which is a little strange since Kitayama obviously didn't have practice, but Nikaido doesn't care. Senga's bangs are sweaty and he wears an oversized hoodie, looking generally miserable, but it feels like a bomb of longing goes off in Nikaido's chest.

Senga doesn't notice him at first, just trudges up the stairs with his gaze lowered and unfocused, as if every step he takes is a huge effort, but then Nikaido shifts and Senga's eyes gravitate towards the movement.

His jaw drops and he freezes as he stares at Nikaido sitting outside his door, obviously waiting for him, and when he speaks it sounds like he thinks he's dreaming. “Nika?”

His voice makes something warm up in Nikaido's chest and he's a little amazed at his own physical reaction to finally seeing Senga again, realizing he must have missed him so much more than he thought. “Hey.”

“I... What are you... How long have you been here?” Senga finally decides is the most important question, and he looks so bewildered it's almost cute as he tugs down his headphones.

Nikaido glances at his phone even though he knows exactly what time it displays. “Almost two hours.”

“What?!” Senga's eyes widen and he tugs out his own phone to look at the time. “Oh my god you should have called or something and I'd have...”

He trails off, and Nikaido sees on his face that he remembers that they're not talking to each other and that's why Nikaido hasn't called. “... Why?”

Nikaido wets his lips before speaking, thinking that maybe he should stand up since this feels a little awkward. “I want to talk to you.”

Senga looks at him for another few seconds, and Nikaido can't tell what feeling his eyes portray, it looks like something between surprise and awe, but then Senga speaks and he doesn't bother wondering. “Yeah. Me too.”

Nikaido breathes a sigh of relief, even though he wasn't aware that he was nervous Senga wouldn't even want to see him.

Senga gives him a questioning look before stepping forward, fishing his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door.

Nikaido stands up, wincing at his stiff legs, but he's distracted by how close he is to Senga suddenly, standing right next to him.

“Come inside.” Senga says and opens the door. Nikaido tries to take a step but stumbles, his legs not really back into function yet, and it has Senga laughing softly, even though it sounds a little tense.

He gets inside, glancing at the apartment that looks the same as when he last saw it, only messier. Senga closes the door behind him and drops his bag on the floor, and Nikaido's prepared to start saying something to explain himself, but then suddenly Senga's in his arms hugging him tightly, and he stands frozen in shock.

“Oh Nika I've missed you so much.” Senga mumbles into his neck, hot breath rushing over Nikaido's skin, and Senga's hands clutch at the fabric at the back of his jacket. It takes Nikaido a few moments to collect himself enough to hug back, but he can't sort out the feelings bubbling up within him. It's heated and intense enough to be arousal, but it isn't, feels more like relief and something fuzzy he's not sure he understands.

“I've missed you, too.” He finally says, and it comes out more like a whisper into Senga's hair, and it's so strange but it feels like those confessions solve everything.

“Mm.” Senga agrees against the skin of his neck, and it sends goosebumps down his shoulder. Then Senga squeezes him extra tightly for a moment before he lets go and pulls back, looking a little sheepish. “Ehm... I... Should we... Uhm. Did you eat already?”

The question takes Nikaido by surprise, wondering where all the days of not talking went, but he just blinks before answering. “Yes I... Kitayama bought me food.”

It's Senga's turn to blink in surprise, but then he blushes and it's so sweet Nikaido just wants to pull him back into his arms. “... He told you did he?”

Nikaido shrugs. “I don't know? He convinced me I should talk to you?”

Senga smiles softly, shyly. “Guess he did tell you then. Look, I'll... make food, because I need to eat or I'm going to cry like a baby. Join me and we can talk, okay?”

And so Nikaido finds himself on a chair by the tiny kitchen table, watching Senga cook and waiting a little nervously for him to say something.

“Look, I'm sorry.” Senga sighs after a few moments of moving kitchenware around. “But you could have just talked to me. I'm your boyfriend, you're supposed to talk to me.”

Nikaido gets a sudden flashback from a week ago when he sat in another kitchen while watching someone else cook, and was advised to 'just tell him'. He looks away now, swallowing nervously, because he can't say to Senga's face what he's said to everyone else that's asked; that he didn't want to. “... It's just a real mess.”

“Will you tell me now?” Senga asks, and his voice is a little tense, enough that Nikaido glances at him again. He looks nervous, uncertain, and Nikaido remembers Kitayama's words clearly. He thinks you don't feel comfortable enough to share your problems with him.

It makes up his mind for him, and he nods slowly, but he eyes Senga apprehensively. “Is that... Will it be okay then?”

“It will. If you tell me why you don't think I'll keep liking you and why I can't see your family.” Senga's voice is firm but he bites his lip when Nikaido looks at him for a few moments.

“Yeah. Okay.” He heaves a sigh, and can't help but think that it's not that traumatic and he's almost a little embarrassed. “I just... About my family.”

He cuts himself off to think where to start, and Senga looks at him intently, as if he's afraid he'll miss something Nikaido says if he even blinks. It makes Nikaido a little uncomfortable, wondering if he's really been that bad at sharing things with Senga.

“I came out to my sister when I was 16. She was a little shocked, but okay with it. I think she even thought it was pretty cool, since we definitely grew closer after that. But my parents...” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “It didn't work out very well, my mom came home early one day and saw me kissing my boyfriend goodbye. It wasn't anything scandalous or anything, but she acted as if we'd been having sex in her bed or something with the way she reacted. I was 18 then, and I had been thinking of telling them, but I... didn't get there. She didn't say a word to me, waited until my dad came home and then they sat me down at the kitchen table and said we were going to 'talk'. I told them I haven't ever been interested in a girl and that I loved that boy. But they wouldn't hear it, tried telling me it was a phase I'd grow out of, that this was really embarrassing to them and what was I thinking, what if someone knew. I told them I'd been dating boys for years and that I was pretty certain of my preferences, but nothing helped.”

Nikaido pauses to take a breath and look at Senga's reaction. He looks calm, but Nikaido notices his fists are clenched.

“And I... said some inappropriate things, as I tend to do when I'm frustrated. Called my dad some ugly names, telling them I couldn't help who I fell in love with. And... They kicked me out. I stayed at my boyfriend's apartment for a while before I found the place where I live now.”

Senga bites his lip. “... Seriously?”

Nikaido nods slowly, not sure what Senga wants him to say.

“Takashi you're so stupid!” Senga bursts out and slams his fist against the counter. Nikaido flinches, and he feels like Senga just smashed the little flicker of hope he had. At least until Senga turns off the stove and then drops to his knees before Nikaido with serious eyes.

“Nika. You're supposed to tell me these things.” He says softly, taking Nikaido's hands in his own and suddenly Nikaido's fighting tears. “How long have you been anxious about that? What did you think I'd do if you told me?”

Nikaido takes a shaky breath to try and keep his tears in, realizing that Senga was smart settling lower than him because he can't look away from him. “I don't know. Every other 'serious' boyfriend I've had never thought it was worth the bother when I told them.”

Senga's hands squeeze his tighter and something like pain flashes in his eyes. “Takashi, I love you. Give me some credit. I don't care if you don't talk to them or don't want to have anything to do with them. As long as you want to be with me I'm happy. Just explain things like this to me and I'll understand, okay?”

Nikaido couldn't hold back his tears even if he tried, but he manages to keep his voice almost steady even though he feels a hot tear running down his cheek. “Yeah. I will.”

Senga smiles softly, standing up just to lean down and press his lips to Nikaido's, soft and gentle and it kind of tastes like salt from Nikaido's tears that just won't stop running even though everything is fine now.

“Weren't you hungry?” Nikaido asks after the third soft kiss breaks, but Senga just shakes his head with a small smile.

“It can wait.”

They end up sprawled on Senga's bed, just cuddling and talking softly about nothings between occasional kisses, food completely forgotten. It's so good, finally, to feel Senga's warmth close and smell him for real instead of holding a piece of his clothing at night, and Nikaido vows to never get into a fight like that again. He's pretty sure he can't stand missing him like that one more time, and it makes him remember something.

“Ken-chan?” He says, raising up enough to lean on his elbows, and looks down at Senga, his voice a little tense.

“Hm?” Senga tilts his head in soft question, frowning a little when Nikaido licks his lips nervously. “What?”

“I think... I think we should move in together.” Nikaido finally says, and forces himself to look at Senga's face for his reaction.

He blinks in surprise a couple times, before a smile spreads on his face that warms Nikaido all the way into his heart. “Really? You want to?”

“Yeah.” Nikaido nods, and he can't help but smile too. “I don't want to miss you like that again.”

Senga giggles at that, and pulls Nikaido down for another kiss. “Then let's."

~*~

 

Comments

[dancerdreams2.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I love this AU so much. I almost cried reading this

[snowqueenofhoth.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad things worked out for them.

Also, kind of a random part, but I really liked when Nika called Miyata and went over there when he was upset. It seemed realistic and very natural and kind of heartbreaking, but also sweet how Miyacchi took care of him. I like that friendship. <3

Also Tama sitting on him to wake him up was cute, and how domestic TamaMiya are. <3

I really enjoy this fic a lot.

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

That is so sweet of you thank you so much ;_;

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Thank you <3
I'm glad you liked the friendship part, it's probably my own favorite part of this. That's what friends are for :3

[nicnatha.livejournal.com]

So I'm done :3 And I'm happy that it worked out for them. I really love this AU. So I hope you write some more stuff about them :D

And Mitsu is so cute here :) Trys to fix their relationship thats so Leader-like xD

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Yay, glad I could keep it up! ... I may write more I indulge a little too much in this AU haha.

Thanks for reading <3

[nicnatha.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhh yay, I really hope you will write more about that AU :D <3