Summer Night [Oneshot]

[h_itoshi]

Title: Summer Night
Fandom: Sexy Zone
Pairing: Fuma/Kento
Rating: R
Wordcount: 5017
Warnings: AU, a bit of angst?
Summary: He's unlaced his boots and kicked them off, intent to sit here for a while. Until the phone in his hands doesn't feel as heavy anymore.
Notes: I've had the visuals for this fic for like 2 years but never found a pairing or plot I felt fitted. Then I saw the WtSZ DVD and Fuma's solo performance was like "hi I want to be in this fic". I'll stop writing half-angsty half-fluffy reunions soon, I promise.

The city really is beautiful at night, Fuma thinks.

It's 11 pm, but there are still people walking past him where he sits on a step of an outdoor stairs, watching the glowing lights of the trees and the ocean partly hidden behind them. The city is glimmering further away, on the other side the rainbow bridge and even though he should start considering getting back there, he has no wish to go home.

It's a warm summer night, one of those where it's like anything could happen just because it's summer and tomorrow's responsibilities feel so distant.

He's unlaced his boots and kicked them off, intent to sit here for a while. Until the phone in his hands doesn't feel as heavy to hold anymore.

A lot of couples have walked past him in the past half hour, some giving him questioning looks as if to ask why he's sitting there, but most don't pay attention to anything but each other. He can hear laughter from the beach occasionally and it hurts his chest a little.

He's a tiny bit drunk, but not anything like he normally gets. There was something about being here that threw him off tonight, that ruined his party mood completely and finally made him say bye to his friends and leave. They were disappointed, definitely, because he's normally more fun than this, and they'd all been looking forward to this house party for weeks. Fuma loves parties normally, loves to just let go and not care too much as long as he wakes up in the morning. There's been a lot of them the past year, with both drinks and cigarettes of unknown origin, and even though he's woken up several times in strange places with no memory of the night before, he's still here.

He's known as someone who wouldn't turn down anything that sounds fun, someone who doesn't think so much. But tonight, thinking is all he's been doing.

About Kento. It's been a while since they were here together, almost a year. That's probably what's getting him so fucked up about it. The temperature and weather is the same as it was then, warm and calm with a touch of night breeze, and it feels like it could have been yesterday, or even today.

He can imagine Kento's footsteps approaching, can imagine him sitting down right next to Fuma with a small smile, pulling his leather jacket a little closer around himself while the soft wind plays with his dark hair.

Fuma wonders if Kento still has that jacket. It was worn already then, but he really liked it so he kept it anyway. He wonders what Kento's doing right now.

He glances down at his phone screen, almost a little annoyed at a notification that his friends sent him a picture because he doesn't care right now. There are more important things.

It was quite a fight they had. Several, to be fair, but the last one is what's stuck in Fuma's head. It's a little fuzzy in his mind, he can't remember Kento's exact facial expression or the exact words he used, but he knows Kento threw a glass at him that hit the wall, knows that Kento screamed at him about how stupid and insensitive he was.

It had been a weird friendship all along. Closer than friends, but still nothing more than friends. It was very slow and very gradual how they started tearing apart. There was no drifting happening, it all tore. Somewhere along the line, they were almost too in tune with each other, picked out uncomfortable replies and sharp comments no matter how well disguised they were, and eventually they were keeping things from each other, feeling like there were topics that shouldn't be spoken about.

It went both ways, just different things.

Kento never liked that Fuma went partying. He didn't even do it much then, just occasionally and he only got really drunk once or twice. But Kento's cold, quiet looks kept him from doing it more than maybe he'd like to, and in the end, he stopped telling Kento he'd been out.

And Fuma had some issues with Kento's girls. He was a pretty guy, popular and cheesy enough that every girl who'd ever wanted to be called princess fell head over heels for him. And Kento hardly ever rejected anyone, at least flirted and maybe they went out sometime, and Fuma found it absolutely disgusting, calling Kento cheesy and cliché and all kinds of things that sometimes crossed the border to cruel.

In the end, they'd both trampled all over each other so much that none of them could take it anymore, and Kento promptly turned on his heel and walked out of Fuma's life.

It was traumatic to say the least, both torturing and relieving at the same time, and it ended up in Fuma going out with his friends a lot more, making decisions that would have been crossing his limits before. But when he didn't have what Kento would think at the back of his head anymore, it felt like his limits stopped existing and he angrily figured he could do what the hell ever he wanted. It had been toughest at first. When he found himself blocked or removed from social media and Kento's friends stopped talking to him, it felt like he'd been hit in the face by reality. But he coped, slowly, his angry phase fading into emptiness and then something like healing, when it could go days without him thinking about Kento at all.

It's just that the further away from the emotional chaos he gets, he can think about what happened more objectively, and there are things he can see now that he's not sure he wanted to think about.

Like the warmth he'd felt in his chest when Kento sat right here next to him and smiled.

There had always been a tension between them that Fuma couldn't explain. Something that separated Kento from his other friends with miles, something that made him treat Kento with more care, like he was something delicate. Something that let Kento hurt him like no one else and Fuma would still apologize.

He still remembers his vehement reaction to Kento saying he'd been on a date, how Fuma had no idea why he was suddenly so furious, just that he was and it was Kento's fault. Remembers how he kept disapproving of everyone Kento even laid eyes on, that he was jealous when Kento hung out with other friends than him.

But it never occurred to him what it could be. Why he was so angry and suspicious and felt set aside. Because why would he even think in that direction when he'd been nothing but straight all his life, when he was even one of those who refused to kiss another boy during high school truth or dare.

Why would he even consider that he was head over heels in love with his best friend.

It took him a couple of months to realize, and even when he started suspecting it, he tried to ignore it. Partied harder, slept with some drunk girls to try and convince himself of the opposite, but the more he tried the worse he felt.

So he gave up and just accepted facts, then tried to forget them.

It's worked well, up until now.

He glances down at his phone again, sighing and wondering if he's crazy or just pathetic. Kento's number is still in there. He has no idea where Kento is or what he does now, has tried to stay away from him even though he knows where he could find that information. But he's never felt the urge to talk to him like this before.

If he'd been completely sober, he'd have never dared, he knows. Afraid of tearing up new wounds just when the old ones had healed, afraid Kento would hate him for getting in touch again. Afraid of exactly everything that could happen.

But he wants to talk to him. And so he knows it has to be now or he'll never do it. Besides, Fuma was always the braver of them.

When he finally unlocks his phone and scrolls through his contact list his fingers are trembling, hovering over Kento's name without managing to press it. He almost wishes he'd had a shot before he left because the alcohol is slowly fading from his system and he starts wondering if he is brave enough after all.

Then there's a breeze ruffling his hair, and he decides to just do it, and presses the name before raising the phone to his ear. If no one picks up, at least he tried.

He barely hears the signals for his own heart that's loud in his ears, his breathing uneven and if he wasn't sitting down he'd worry about fainting.

Then there's a small click in his ear, and a voice that takes him back in time a year. “Hello?”

Kento sounds like he just woke up, tired and a little confused, and Fuma doesn't know what else to do than smile even though he wants to cry.

“Hey babe.” He says, voice soft and quiet as his normal greeting comes over his lips. “How are you?”

There's a silence on the other end, but Fuma's happy as long as Kento doesn't hang up immediately.

“... Fuma?” Kento asks, sounding more in disbelief that anything else, and Fuma's physical reaction is almost scary, his heart beating faster and his cheeks blushing and he can't stop smiling stupidly.

“Yeah.” He breathes, all he can manage right now when his heart feels twice as large as normal.

“... I...” Kento starts, then breaks off in a sigh. “Why did you call?”

It's a question Fuma should have been prepared for, but he never even got past the idea of Kento answering the phone, and so what comes out of his mouth is straight from his heart. “... Because I really miss you right now.”

There's a silence, and it feels like it goes on for a year, but eventually Kento sighs and Fuma let's out a breath he'd been unconsciously holding for so long he feels a little dizzy.

"Are you drunk?" Kento asks, his voice defensive and Fuma recognizes it all too well, but it doesn't ignite any fighting spirit in him like it used to.

"Not really." Fuma says calmly. "I'll tell you what I've had if you want to know exactly."

"I... No." Kento says, tone hard. "I probably can't relate anyway."

Fuma smiles joylessly, because even though it should hurt hearing Kento basically calling him an alcoholic, he's just so sad things came to this.

"I'm sorry I called. But I'm not done with us and I have some things I want to say." Fuma says firmly, trying to make sure Kento doesn't hang up on him.

"Oh?" Kento says, and the acid in his tone is what makes Fuma convinced he needs to say this now or there's a risk of him getting angry instead. "I thought you said enough."

"I'm in love with you." Fuma just says it, ignoring Kento's harsh comment and his own beating heart. "I think I've been for years."

The silence is loud over the line. Fuma almost thinks time stopped, or maybe just his heart, but there's still breeze and laughter from the beach so he figures it's all in his head.

"You..." Kento finally starts with a heavy exhale, and the way his voice trembles hurts Fuma's heart. "Fuck you Fuma."

And there's beeping in Fuma's ear as the call is disconnected.

He instinctively lowers his phone, looking at the display that tells him the call lasted 3 minutes and 26 seconds, and his heart sinks in his chest like he's back at square one again.

He thought he'd be okay if he could just say it. Explain himself, let Kento know the reason for his shitty behaviour. But this did not make him okay. He has to make an effort to exhale, trying to keep himself from shaking, because he feels like he just got dumped, again, and all he wants to do is throw his phone away and cry. How he could think that Kento would react any other way is a mystery, honestly. He's not sure for how long he just sits staring out at the ocean, trying to keep from crying and make his heart calm down, telling himself that this conversation never happened. Forget it. Tomorrow it will feel fuzzy and he can pretend he just imagined it.

Then his phone vibrates in his hand, and he glances down, ready to angrily stuff it in his pocket instead of seeing his friends drunk pictures, but he pauses the second he sees the screen.

Come over. The message says, followed by an address he doesn't recognize, but it's the sender ID that makes it difficult to breathe.

He stares at the address stupidly for a long moment, silently wondering about Kento's motives at the same time as he considers that maybe he shouldn't go, maybe he should go home and sleep until next year instead, but he's already rising before he can make an active decision.

It's not a very far address, thankfully, but it will demand a train ride and it's late now. Really late, Fuma realizes as he glances at his phone screen to see the time. His legs protest walking after sitting for so long, but he hurries his steps anyway to get to the train station before the last train leaves for tonight. He tries not to think so hard, only thinks about minutes and how much further he needs to go to make it in time, and it's very efficient in keeping his mind from speculating. At least until he stands on the last train into town, packed with people heading home, most of them couples who are sickeningly cute with their held hands while they sleep on each others shoulders, and Fuma tries to keep his feelings under control.

He distracts himself with looking the address up on his phone, picking out a station he should get off at and a route to walk, but it doesn't take long enough for him to keep from thinking about things. He wonders what Kento wants. If he just wants to punch him in the face. Maybe have him tested for a restraining order. But still he'd do anything to just look at him again, and he knows there was never a choice not to go see him.

He gets off the train and tries to find the right exit, feeling almost like he's on autopilot when he's following the map on his phone screen while his heart is beating so loudly in his ears he can't even think.

He finally stops outside an apartment building, and after double checking the number three times, he takes a deep breath and steels himself to find the right door.

When he does, his heart is beating so fast Fuma's worried he's going to faint, all kinds of panicked thoughts flitting through his head while he stares blindly at the name on the door. Thoughts like that Kento's going to kill him or that maybe this was just a prank and he doesn't live here at all, and Fuma never replied to that message so what if Kento changed his mind.

It takes him several minutes to calm down enough to ring the doorbell, and when he does, the sound seems way too loud in the silence of the corridor.

The wait is agony, the worst few moments of waiting he's done in his entire life, and when the door opens he's ready to just run away.

Kento's been crying, it's obvious even though he's trying not to show it now, the edges of his eyes red and his look defiant as he just stares at Fuma for a long moment.

Fuma knows he should probably feel bad for making Kento cry, but the relief of actually seeing him again is so overwhelming he's almost choking, because he looks just the same only his features are prettier than Fuma remembered and his hair is a little longer.

No one speaks for way too long, and in the end Fuma can't stand it, but even though he clears his throat before talking, his little “hi” still comes out broken.

“I didn't think you'd come.” Kento admits, but his voice is calm and hard and Fuma knows that tone all too well, knows it's what Kento uses when he's hiding feelings, but he has no idea what kinds of feelings it's covering up for now.

Then Kento takes a step aside as if to invite Fuma in, and Fuma hurries to get inside because if they're going to fight he'd prefer it to be in private.

Kento closes the door behind him slowly, and there's another silence while Fuma tries to figure out what he's supposed to answer.

“How could I not.” He ends up saying, then regrets it immediately because there was probably too much that could be read into that statement that he doesn't mean, and he opens his mouth to correct himself, but pauses when he looks at Kento.

He's biting his lip to keep from crying, arms hugging himself as he can't seem to look away from Fuma, and Fuma's heart breaks because he doesn't know what he's allowed to do to help. “... I'm sorry.”

He finally gets out, even though he's not sure exactly what he's apologizing for, just knows that he really is sorry.

“You...” Kento starts, then pauses to take a breath, and Fuma fidgets with his hands, not sure what to do. “Are so fucking retarded.”

Fuma opens his mouth even though he's not sure what to say, but he doesn't get a single syllable out before Kento's stepped forward and thrown his arms around Fuma's neck.

Fuma instinctively hugs him tight, and he can almost feel his heart healing from holding Kento again, even though he's sobbing into Fuma's shoulder and his grip on Fuma's jacket is a bit uncomfortable but Fuma doesn't even care. He draws a long breath and inhales the scent of Kento's hair that somehow smells the same even though he's changed his shampoo, and his hold on Kento inevitably tightens because he doesn't want to let him go ever again. It's all very surreal, after having thought about Kento almost every day for the past year without being able to see him, and then suddenly he's standing right here.

He jumps when Kento turns his head a little and Fuma feels a breathed sigh against his bare neck, goosebumps raising down his arms without him being able to explain it, and when that puff of air is carefully followed by soft lips, his breath catches and he almost thinks his knees are going to give out.

It's the last thing he expected but what he secretly wished the most for, and Fuma is too busy trying to regain control of his body's reactions to reflect about what's going on right now.

He's nearly shaking when Kento loosens his arms a little from around Fuma's neck, only enough for Kento to be able to look him in the eyes, and Fuma sees so many things he doesn't understand for a second before Kento's eyes flutter shut again. Fuma's eyes fall closed too when he feels lips brush his, and as they kiss all he can register is that Kento's lips taste salty from tears and that his small breaths between kisses is turning Fuma on like no other sound ever has. Tongues slip out to meet each other, and Kento's hand finds Fuma's hair to guide him, twirling the strands around his fingers and it pulls a noise from Fuma's lips that's swallowed before he can hear what it would have been.

It feels really good, so he keeps holding Kento close, not about to let him a centimetre further away even when Kento after a little while starts squirming, and it's not until something firm bumps Fuma's hipbone for Fuma to understand why. Kento breaks the kiss with a gasp that has Fuma pulling him even closer reflexively, raising a hand to the back of Kento's head to guide him close enough for Fuma's lips to reach his throat.

Normally he would hesitate to touch someone else, and he thought he'd be nervous or passive if he were to ever touch another man. But it's like he doesn't have any inhibitions right now, he just wants everything that is Kento and he doesn't hesitate to have it now that he can. His kisses to Kento's neck turn more confident when Kento tilts his head with a sigh to give him more room, and before he knows it Fuma has an erection of his own that he grinds against Kento's thigh.

It's a bit of an awkward position, standing in the middle of the hall, but everything he's doing feels sinfully good and he doesn't think he could stop even if he wanted to.

It's Kento who pushes at him with a frustrated groan, and Fuma stumbles backwards just to feel his back connect with the wall and Kento following to press him into it, making their erections line up and it's so much better like this. Fuma's moan is swallowed by Kento's urgent kiss and he feels hands on his belt buckle, anticipation coiling tight in his stomach as Kento's hands manages to get his pants open. Fuma has no idea what to expect, but Kento's touch is confident and not like any girl's, and it's making Fuma's head fall back against the wall with a long moan.

Kento's lips move to his neck instead, mouthing at his jaw as he fumbles with his own pants while stroking Fuma like he's known how to do it forever, and honestly Fuma would like to come just like this.

At least that's what he thinks until Kento groans against his neck and there's suddenly something else touching his cock, and Fuma glances down to see Kento's hand wrapping around them both, stroking them together and he can't stop looking. He's never felt anything like it and it's amazing, and he wants to help somehow but he can only cling to Kento for dear life because he's so close.

He tries to say something when he knows he can't hold back anymore, but he's too slow and his words get garbled when his orgasm hits him like a bullet train and nearly blacks him out.

Distantly he can feel Kento coming, and it's a sensation like nothing else to feel another cock pulse next to his own, weird but still just right.

It's not until he's caught most of his breath that he can take in his surroundings again, and he glances down to see translucent white stains on his T-shirt and jeans and even some on the edge of his jacket, but he can't find the energy to be bothered about that. Kento's holding himself up with hands against the wall on either side of Fuma as his forehead rests on Fuma's shoulder, and Fuma can feel him trying to calm his breath since he's still holding on to him.

The silence continues even after they're both breathing regularly again, and Fuma feels like he should say something but he can't think of a single thing.

Thankfully Kento is the one who speaks first.

“... This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.” He mumbles into Fuma's shoulder, but he doesn't seem too disappointed, just a little dejected. “I had it all figured out. We were going to talk and you were going to explain things to me.”

“I'm sorry.” Fuma says automatically, speaking softly into Kento's hair. “What was I going to explain?”

“Why you called. Why you never told me before. If you're even serious.” Kento says quietly, and Fuma feels like they should probably look at each other for these questions but he doesn't want to let Kento go further away from him than this.

“Because I'm retarded.” Fuma says, then smiles when Kento punches his side without any force, then draws back enough to look at Fuma. “And yes, I'm serious.”

“Stupid.” Kento tells him, but there's a hint of a smile on his lips too, like he wants to smile but doesn't dare. “We should... Let's just do this properly, okay?”

And ten minutes later Fuma finds himself on the couch in a borrowed pair of sweatpants and a cup of tea in front of him, Kento next to him and the thought that he could have been on some other couch completely wasted instead makes Fuma a little proud of himself that he was brave enough to call.

“I've liked you forever you know.” Kento says so quietly Fuma wouldn't hear him if it wasn't entirely silent, and it makes Fuma's heart beat faster for several different reasons.

“Forever?” Fuma repeats, trying not to let any bitterness seep into his tone. “Didn't seem that way with all those girlfriends.”

“I wanted you to be jealous.” Kento sighs, hugging his teacup between his hands while looking at the wall opposite. “And you were, just not in the way I wanted you to.”

“I think I was. In hindsight.” Fuma admits. “I got really mad at myself for feeling like that though. I knew you should be able to date who you wanted and still I hated all of them for no reason.”

“And I never wanted you to go out because what if you got really drunk and there was someone else there instead of me.” Kento says, and it feels like the words physically grasp Fuma's heart and squeeze hard. “I know you're all loving when you're drunk so what if you suddenly kissed someone else when you should have kissed me.”

“I...” Fuma starts, but he's still having difficulties with his breathing since those words won't let go of his heart. “I just... I kept thinking you were holding me back just because you could, and even if you didn't say anything I always had what you would think at the back of my mind.”

Kento smiles joylessly and turns his head to look at Fuma for a moment. “I guess that disappeared this year then?”

Fuma shrugs uncomfortably, thinking about all the crazy things he's done that Kento wouldn't want to hear.

“It's okay, I guess you would lash out too.” Kento says quietly, turning back to look at something other than Fuma.

The implication of the statement makes Fuma feel cold, and he has to swallow before asking. “What did you do?”

“Girls. A few boys.” Kento says almost carelessly, and Fuma feels like breaking the teacup in his hands. “But after a while I figured it just made things worse.”

“Yeah?” Fuma asks carefully, and he feels a little guilty because he kind of wants to hear that Kento never enjoyed touching anyone even though he knows how unfair that is.

“I could never commit to anyone anyway because I knew that if you would show up and want to talk to me again, I would leave them right there and be yours even if you didn't want me like that.” Kento explains tonelessly, and now Fuma definitely feels guilty. “So I stopped trying. The only girl I see these days is my flatmate.”

Fuma frowns and looks around, noticing things he didn't think of until now, like women's magazines on the table and a pink cardigan thrown over a chair. “... Oh.”

“You didn't notice? Could have been a girlfriend you know.” Kento says, the carelessness back in his voice.

“You wouldn't.” Fuma's frown deepens because the idea makes him uneasy.

“I just told you I would, didn't I?” Kento asks, meeting Fuma's eyes and there's all honesty and nothing else in his gaze. “I just... Never thought you would tell me that you love me. Not the way I wanted you to say it.”

“... It took me a while to realize.” Fuma says quietly, because even if he couldn't have told Kento before and already has told him now, it hurts knowing how much Kento wanted to hear it.

“What made you realize?” Kento asks, sounding like that's the question he's been dying to ask, turning back to look at Fuma when it takes him a little while to figure out a good answer.

“... How I wouldn't get over you I think.” He starts. “How I'd keep comparing everyone I met to you and it never felt the same. And... when I looked back at my reactions without being in the middle of everything, it was actually painfully obvious that I had a massive crush on you. I just couldn't tell because, well... You're a boy.”

It takes Fuma about two seconds to realize how completely insensitive that was, and he gets a few words into his explanation before he looks at Kento and sees him smiling, and Fuma breaks off, a little confused. “... What?”

“I've missed you so much.” Kento says softly, still smiling, and Fuma gives up on analysing the situation and lets himself smile back.

“I've missed you too.”

“Good.” Kento says, then sets his tea down on the table and crawls close enough to Fuma to lean his head against his shoulder, and Fuma wraps an arm around him to keep him there. “Don't you dare make me break up with you again. I'd probably still forgive you if you did, but don't test me.”

That actually makes Fuma laugh, and he runs his fingers gently up and down Kento's arm, the feeling unfamiliar but something he could get used to. “I wouldn't dream of it.”

~*~