Loved One [Oneshot]

[h_itoshi]

Title: Loved One
Fandom: Kis-My-Ft2
Pairing(s): Miyata/Tamamori, mentions of Fujigaya/Tamamori
Rating: PG
Warnings: AU, angst
Wordcount: 5545
Summary: In my world, he's very evasive, that Fujigaya Taisuke.

In my world, he’s very evasive, that Fujigaya Taisuke. Everyone around me seems to know him, like him, talk about him, everyone but me. I know his brother’s names, what kind of pictures he find funny, what high school he went to. Hell, I even know his sleeping habits. Still, I’ve never actually talked to him. We were introduced once, but he never shook my outstretched hand, only looked at me with superior eyes and brushed a strand of brown hair behind his ear, before turning to laugh at someone else’s joke. Another thing I know about him is that Fujigaya Taisuke hates me.

And it’s all because of him.

I look at him where he sits frowning at that rabbit game he’s currently addicted to on his phone, hair in a tiny ponytail and wearing a fluffy robe. Tamamori Yuta. My boyfriend since 2,5 years. More accurately, 2 years, 7 months, 2 weeks and 4 days. I’m cheesy like that, and he always makes a face at me when I remind him about it. But I love him, and I still can’t believe that he actually wants me, so I keep counting the days, every single one a small wonder to me.

He makes a frustrated sound and looks up at me from his phone, not noticing that I’m already watching him, and stretches out the phone. “Miyacchi win this level for me.”

I smile and accept the phone, ready to conquer carrots and escape foxes, but Tamamori holds my gaze thoughtfully.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He wonders, echoing the question in my own head.

“I just love you a lot.” I smile widely at him, my usual comeback to his questions, and it’s true. “You’re really pretty.”

He just rolls his eyes, obviously thinking that a robe and a ponytail hardly is him at his hottest, but I disagree with him. I am one of the few people he lets see him like this, unstyled and careless. Me, his family, and Fujigaya.

The relationship between them is that they’ve been friends forever. Or well, it’s been at least ten years. I don’t actually know how they met, it seems to be some kind of secret they have. And I don’t feel the need to pry. I don’t really ask a lot about Fujigaya in general, I’m just fed with the information about him anyway. When I ask, Tamamori looks at me with a raised eyebrow and asks “what’s it to you?”. I'm starting to think that everytime I mention Fujigaya he catches himself thinking that he shouldn't talk to me about him.

I already know that Fujigaya won't let him talk about me when they meet. Just the fact that when Tamamori sleeps over at his place he doesn't send me good night texts. When I send him one I don't get any reply, or a simple short one he's hardly thought through. I asked him about it, once, but he just frowned and called me clingy. “What, can't you manage without?” Was all I got as a reply.

Honestly, I'm not sure whether it's an actual request from Fujigaya that I'm not to be mentioned, or if it's a self-imposed rule from Tamamori's side. All I know is that when they meet, Tamamori's in a world where I don't exist. He'd choose to hurt me before Fujigaya any time.

“Miyacchi, seriously? What's wrong?” Tamamori's voice halts my train of thoughts and I blink at him.

“What?” I smile effortlessly. I've gotten good at that.

“You can't fool me you know. Did something happen at work or something?” Tamamori looks at me with a stern gaze that melts into concern as my smile wavers a bit.

“No, really. It's nothing important.” I assure him, trying to look as honest as possible.

Then Tamamori's phone vibrate in my hand and I see the new mail he got scroll through itself at the top of the screen.

“Yeah I guess it will. Thanks. Anyway, gotta sleep now, goodnight babe <3” It reads, the sender ID called 'Gaya'.

I hand it over to Tamamori, who still looks like he won't really drop this yet, but receives the phone and looks at the message. I can see his tiny smile as he reads, and my heart aches a bit. I don't think he looks like that when he reads texts from me. And I'm not sure I'm really okay with Fujigaya calling my boyfriend 'babe'. I don't get to call him that.

“Is he okay?” I can't help but ask, anxious to talk to get rid of the itchy feeling in my heart. It's jealousy and I hate it.

“What?” Tamamori's head swivel to the side to look at me. “Yeah, why?”

I shrug, trying to shrug off Tamamori's tone too, but it doesn't work all the way. “Just wondering, it sounded like something was up.”

Tamamori sighs. “Yeah it was something about some girl. It's okay now.”

“Oh.”

Fujigaya seems to have girlfriends all the time. New ones almost every month, like none of them can give him what he wants. Maybe they can't, I have no idea what he wants. Apparently he's not the romantic type at least, which I can't really relate to. For me, love is something serious, a feeling you can't wear like a jacket and take off when you don't want it anymore. And I guess I am the romantic type. I want to hold hands, give presents, have candlelit dinners. Celebrate Valentine's Day and Christmas together.

Tamamori is complicated. When we first got together, he appreciated my romantic side, small gestures to show my love for him. Gradually, that appreciation faded, and now he barely snorts at my suggestions of going on a date on Valentine's Day. I don't really know what happened, but I'm sure Fujigaya's name should be somewhere in there.

“He should pick his girls with more care, he deserves better.” Tamamori mumbles, and I hold my breath, careful not to turn him defensive with anything I could say.

“I guess he does.” I say carefully, not sure how long I'm going to be let in on this conversation.

“Or well, he should stop sleeping around is more like it.” Tamamori mutters at his phone, pursing his lips in irritation.

A thing worth mentioning is Fujigaya's looks. He's so attractive I'd like to hate him, be upset that Tamamori spends so much time with someone so much more fortune looking than me, but he's so out of my league I can't even do that. Fujigaya's slim, tall and tanned, with pouty lips and hooded eyes that could bring down any hard to get girl. Which they probably do too, considering his amount of girlfriends. Even his hair is pretty, long, fluffy and wavy, and it would look ridiculous on me, but it suits him so well.

I on the other hand, am so painfully average with my short brown hair and not buff-not skinny-not fat-body. I also have a pretty big nose. I'm harshly reminded of the huge gap between us everytime I see a picture of him, since I've only seen him in person half a dozen times. Then again, there's a reason Fujigaya does some fashion modelling as a side-job and I don't.

“I don't get why he even does it, it's not like it makes anyone happier!” Tamamori continues, louder, and turns to look at me as if asking for support.

I make a hopefully compassionate face, trying not to think of why Tamamori cares so much about who Fujigaya sleeps with. It would just start another Fujigaya-centered fight if I did.

We've had our fights about him. Several actually. About my hurt feelings, about me being prioritised second, about why I'm not allowed to hold Tamamori's hand in the streets because it would be cruel to Fujigaya if he saw it which he never would so what the hell.

“He's an adult right, he can do that if he likes?” I ask, as softly as I dare.

“Sure, I just don't... Uh, I don't like looking those girls in the eye and act nice when all I can think of is their dirty hands on him.” Tamamori groans and rubs his temple in frustration. “Sure he's hot and all but really? They don't have to be all over him when I'm there.”

The first image in my head is pretty questionable, but then I realise that Tamamori's only talking about ordinary, couple-ish touching. I want to bite back a “Figures you don't like that since I can't do that to you”, but I refrain and keep my mouth shut instead.

Tamamori sighs and snaps his phone shut, obviously letting the matter drop. “Anyway, we're going out saturday night, you wanna come?”

“Who are we?” I ask.

I don't like drinking, I don't like drunk people and I prefer to hear the people I'm talking to. Therefore, I'm not often asked out to pubs or clubs with friends, but if Tamamori asks, I normally accept whatever suggestion it is.

“You, me, Ken-chan, Nika, Gaya. Maybe some of his friends.” Tamamori shrugs and looks over. He knows I'll say yes as soon as he's mentioned Fujigaya's name, and I humour him.

“Sure.”

It's strange. In all the ways I feel Fujigaya has more of Tamamori wrapped around his finger than I have in my arms, I still feel the need to impress him. I want to talk to him, actually hear him speak to me, I want to make him like me. If it's because he's so important to Tamamori, or because he hates me without knowing me, I'm not sure. I just want to prove to him that I can be a good person even though I'm Tamamori's boyfriend. Because that's what this is all about. It's not Miyata Toshiya that Fujigaya resents. It's Tamamori Yuta's boyfriend.

~*~

I sit next to Senga in the booth at the club, and I'm glad I do. Tamamori's on my other side, and he's already giggling hopelessly in his mildly drunken state. He's gorgeous and more talkative than normally, and I'm glad I have Senga next to me to distract me from staring too much.

Senga is a really good friend, very perceptive to moods and feelings, in complete contrast to his recently achieved boyfriend Nikaido, whom he's been yearning for for months. They both work at the same office as I do, and since the world is small Senga already knew Tamamori through some friend. Even though Senga's a couple years younger than me, he's one of my best friends.

He talks about gossip from work as cheerfully as ever as he tries to continuously keep a slightly intoxicated Nikaido's hand from inappropriate places on his body. On the other side of the booth is Yokoo, a childhood friend of Fujigaya's, who's brought his girlfriend. She's a sweet thing he's been dating since high school, and she seems thrilled to be among two gay couples. Next to her is Fujigaya's date. I'm not sure whether she's just someone he picked up last weekend or if he's been seeing her for a while, but she looks like your ordinary uptown girl with long hair and glossy lips.

Fujigaya sits next to Tamamori, and they talk without interruption, conversation running a pace only they can follow. Fujigaya's on the same drunken level as Tamamori, and the way his cheeks tinge pink with alcohol looks pretty hot paired with his sparkling eyes.

Apparently also his date thinks so, since she slowly snakes her arm around his waist and pulls him towards her, whispering something in his ear that has him leaning back against her, but his focus never leaves Tamamori.

I find myself unable to concentrate on Senga's happy babbling when I see the way Tamamori's eyes narrow as he looks at the girl's hand slowly wandering over Fujigaya's chest. I smile at Senga before reaching out a hand to touch Tamamori's thigh to get his attention.

He turns to me with a confused look, and Fujigaya's date takes the opportunity of broken conversation to turn Fujigaya's face towards her own. “What?”

I really have nothing to tell him, except that I'm here and perhaps he should want to spend some time with me too. I end up with “Haven't you had enough?”

But it's quiet enough that it's not heard, and Tamamori leans closer to me, so I can talk in his ear.

I repeat my question, but he only makes a face at me and shoves me in the shoulder, turning back to Fujigaya. For a second I catch Fujigaya's eyes, probably the third or fourth time he's looked at me all night, and his gaze is dark like a thundercloud.

I glance at his date, but she seems busy placing small kisses on his neck, which I really don't think anyone should be doing in public, and when I look back, Fujigaya's smiling at Tamamori again, seeming entirely uninterested in both me and his date.

“Nika, no, not now!” I hear Senga's sigh and I look back to find Senga holding Nikaido's wrist in a steady grip while Nikaido pouts and Yokoo and his girlfriend laugh.

“But they're doing it.” Nikaido whines, nodding towards Fujigaya and his date, but I don't look.

“It doesn't matter Nika, get a grip on your urges.” Senga reprimands.

“Not my fault you're so hot.” Nikaido mutters but pulls his wrist back, crossing his arms to sulk.

I smile at the exchange, but I decide I should probably go to the bathroom, mostly to get some space to think where Tamamori's not next to me yet miles away.

I apologize to Senga and Nikaido as they have to rise for me, and then take my time to get through the crowd to the bathroom.

When I get inside, I splash my face with cold water, breathing slowly for a while and then dares a look at myself in the mirror. I look okay. Not like I'm going to burst out crying and screaming. Not like I'm so jealous my heart feels like a stone.

I hear the door swing open but I don't look up, assuming it's just some dude hurrying to throw up, just like I can hear one in a locked booth. But it's not. I catch movement behind me in the mirror, and as I look up my eyes widen. I look into Fujigaya's eyes through our reflections, and he looks back intently.

“You really have to do that. Don't you?” He comments slowly, his smooth voice deep with spite.

I feel my heart traitorously speed up in nervousness, because this is probably the first time Fujigaya's addressed me directly.

“Do what?” I ask innocently as I sincerely wonder what he's talking about.

His eyes narrow and he steps closer to me. “Rub it in my face.”

I turn around quickly as he comes too close for my comfort, looking him straight in the eye. He's slightly drunk I can see, but only enough to let things like these slip. “I'm not doing anything.”

“Don't play dumb, you know what you're doing.” He growls and puts his hands on the sink on either side of me and I'm terrified.

I hate confrontation, I've always hated it and I do my best to never get into conflicts with anyone. And somewhere, deep in my heart, I know what he's talking about. My yearning to prove that Tamamori is my boyfriend, that he loves me and that we are a couple. That I'm the most important person to him.

“Pulling him closer to whisper in his ear. Mothering him.” Fujigaya continues, voice scarily calm now, and he leans so close he practically breathes on my cheek. “'When should we go back Tama-chan, Tama-chan are you sure you can handle that?'”

He mimicks my voice and I clench my hands to fists because what the hell does he know. He must see the flash of anger in my eyes, because suddenly he's grabbed my collar and pressed me back against the sink, dark eyes glaring fiercely at me.

My hands grab the edge of the sink reflexively and my eyes widen as my heart nearly beats out of my chest in panic.

“You have no right to do that to him. You don't own him.” He hisses in my ear, then lets go of me so quickly I'm left blinking as he turns to look at himself in the mirror when the door to the bathroom opens, thumping club music rolling in through the door before it falls shut behind Senga.

He looks between me and Fujigaya, who merely fluffs his hair up a little before brushing past Senga as he leaves, not sparing either of us a look.

“... Are you okay?” Senga asks carefully as he looks at me where I still stand clutching the sink. I slowly shake my head and he hugs me tightly.

I'm angry and sad and frustrated, because it's not Fujigaya's place to tell me anything about showing Tamamori off. He's been stealing my boyfriend since before he even was my boyfriend, like a third party in our relationship from day one.

I tell Senga what happened, since he is one of my best friends and he knows about my struggle. He tries to comfort me, telling me that Fujigaya's just drunk and that Senga can't see why Fujigaya won't just give me a chance when I so clearly want to be his friend.

But, as we go back to the booth and Fujigaya completely ignores me, I know why he won't. Why he can't even look at me, why he only has eyes for Tamamori even though his date pretty much tries to shove her boobs in his face. I'm not that stupid. The reason Fujigaya hates my guts is because he's in love with my boyfriend.

~*~

When Tamamori comes home pale and shivering a few weeks after that night, my immediate thought is that he's been robbed or something, and I rush to meet him in the hall the second I notice something's off. He's been out, he smells like club, smoke and sweat and cologne and perfume all in a mess, and he's a bit drunk, but I don't care about any of those things.

”Tama-chan?” I ask, worried out of my mind as he shoves me away when I try to touch him. He leans back against the door he just closed behind him, and I see the tears starting to form as he puts a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle it.

”Yuta, what's wrong?” I try again, but I don't dare reach out to touch him again. He's cold, I can see it, his cheeks tinted pink with autumn night air and tears, and even though he still wears his jacket he's shaking.

He shakes his head, trying to get over his tears, but he can't, the first set rolling down his cheeks as he sobs and squeezes his eyes shut in frustration with himself.

I've never seen him this ruined. He's cried in front of me before, sometimes from my doing, but never like this, never been this utterly broken down. He looks so lost and all I want to do is hold him and help him, but I can't. I don't even know what's wrong.

I give him a couple minutes, and I'm sure I'm staring at him looking terrified, since the second he looks up at me I can see his eyes flash with anger. The anger he only has for me when I'm standing useless when he needs help, when I can't comfort him or help him.

It seems to give him strength, his anger with me, and he raises a sleeve to feistily wipe away his tears. ”You're pathetic, do you know that?” He says, voice a bit gruff from the tears, and even though he's lashing out aimlessly, it stings so hard to hear it.

“Why?” I ask quietly, hoping he'll explain what's going on.

“You're just standing there, needing my help to cope with my feelings! You should know how to help by now!” He yells at me, a new set of hot tears running down his cheeks, and I cower, trying to keep his words from hurting me but I can't.

This is our most common fight. He always knows how to help me, what to say and do to make me feel better, and I can't do it back. I don't know when he wants me to talk, be quiet or just hug him, or what I should say and not say and how I should say it. I'm paralysed the second he's sad, because I want to help so bad, that I can't do anything.

“If you'd just step up, maybe I wouldn't have...” He trails off in a sob, and I freeze , because something about this is not what we normally go through.

“... What happened to you?” I manage to ask, and I know my tone is too quiet and the way I'm saying it is everything that triggers Tamamori's anger, but I see him cringe in guilt anyway. “Tama-chan, what did you do?”

Tamamori stares blindly at the wall for a moment. “He kissed me.”

My reaction is so strong it's physically hurting, my stomach twisting into a knot and cold going through my chest so quickly I almost feel nauseaous, because I know just who 'he' is.

“Or I kissed him, I don't know who started.” Tamamori continues, sounding monotone now, the tone he takes on when he can't cry anymore. It's my turn to shake and be weak, and somehow I feel like Tamamori's tears are guilt but not regret.

“We were sitting next to each other talking, everything was just as it normally is. Then suddenly we'd kissed.” Tamamori rambles, and even though I don't want to hear it for everything in the world, I can't seem to tell him to stop. “It felt crazy. I can't describe it. I know I looked at him then and took a breath, asking if he wasn't straight, and he only whispered a yes before he kissed me again. Then I remembered....”

He trails off, and it hurts so bad to know he didn't think about me until then. I'm not even aware that I'm crying until I feel heat stream down my cheeks.

“I'm so sorry Miyacchi, I'm sorry.” Tamamori goes on, and he means it, he's sorry, but I know him. He's not really sorry. He's sorry for me, but not for himself.

~*~

Any change in our relationship from there is pretty much non-existant. I stay awake all night, looking at Tamamori sleeping next to me and thinks way too much.

The next morning, we don't talk about it. Tamamori acts a little weird, but otherwise, I'd have guessed he was too drunk yesterday to remember. And if that's the way he wants it, I'm happy to oblige. I'm clinging to him for as long as he wants me, even though there's a nagging feeling in my mind that I'm only hurting myself more doing it. But I love him so much.

I tell Senga about what happened during lunch, and he nearly chokes on his rice. “He did what!?”

“Yeah.” I just sigh and push my lunch box away, my appetite suddenly gone.

Senga stares me straight in the eye in disbelief for so long I have to look away. “... And then what happened?”

“He... said he was sorry.” I shrug, feeling like I might start crying and instantly second-guesses my decision of talking about this at work.

“... And?” Senga prompts, having forgotten his own food completely.

“... And nothing. We went to sleep. Or he did anyway.” I try to sound casual, like it's okay, but when I hear the words spoken, I cringe at how wrong it sounds.

“... Toshiya.” Senga says, and I wince. He never uses my given name unless something is really serious. “You can't let this just pass. He can't do that to you.”

I bite my lip, knowing somewhere deep down that it's true, but I don't want to think about it.

“I can see how hurt you are. He can't just say sorry and it's okay. I know Tama acts a bit like he doesn't care about you among people, but you can't let him hurt your feelings for real.” Senga says seriously, looking at me with his big brown eyes soft with concern, and I really am starting to cry.

“I just...” I break off, my voice failing me and I can't do this right now. “I don't want to loose him.”

Senga looks at me compassionately, like he understands my pain, but I can see the truth in his eyes. “... Maybe it's not worth the pain to keep him.”

~*~

The confrontation comes weeks later. I'm meeting up with Tamamori to go grocery shopping together after he quits work, and I'm waiting at the train station for him to arrive. I know he can be late sometimes, if his editor in chief has a bad day and comes questioning the layout last minute, and I'm early, so I'm not expecting him to come anytime soon.

Another thing I'm not expecting is for him to arrive with Fujigaya. I see them long before they see me, talking to each other and laughing. Tamamori looks happy, shoving at Fujigaya like he's 12 years old, nearly making the latter spill his take-away coffee all over his expensive shirt. I know Fujigaya works in a clothing store, an expensive one that I'd never visit even if Fujigaya didn't work there. I also know that the store is not in this area whatsoever, and I wonder why Fujigaya's even here, realising too late that this is the first time I see him since Tamamori told me about the kiss. The jealousy of how little that kiss seems to have changed his relationship to Tamamori seeps into every cell of my body. It's unfair, so fucking unfair when it has ruined mine.

I also feel selfconscious when my eyes linger on Fujigaya, on his pretty hair and slim coat, fashionable jeans and expensive shirt. I look down at myself, at my old gray jacket and sneakers, and I think for not the first time that Tamamori looks better with Fujigaya next to him than with me. And it makes me so angry.

Angry enough that I just stand and wait until they see me, not waving or smiling like I normally do.

Tamamori spots me first, and the surprise that crosses his face makes Fujigaya notice me too. His smile falters, but Tamamori's is still going strong, and he gives me a little wave.

I keep my hands in my pockets, clenched into fists as I try not to look like I want to kill something.

“Hi!” Tamamori says as soon as he's within hearing distance. “You're early.”

“Yeah.” Is all I say. Somehow it makes me even angrier that he's so cheerful, when it's normally the other way around. Fujigaya shifts his weight, sipping some of his coffee while looking at people passing by.

Tamamori eyes me with a frown. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing.” I answer, not wanting to take this discussion in front of Fujigaya, especially since I can't really define why I'm so angry better than 'Fujigaya's presence'. “Are you ready to go?”

Tamamori looks so surprised at my moodiness that he doesn't answer first, but then he turns to Fujigaya. “Yeah, I guess... Gaya, what's your plan?”

Fujigaya turns to him, accidentally catching my eye and I glare at him. “Oh I'm going home, I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow.”

He shoots me a gaze of superiority, and it's the last drop of my patience. “Why are you even here?”

I hear myself snap at him, and I see Tamamori's eyes widen, while Fujigaya only looks at me evenly, like he knew it was coming.

“... I think I'll leave now.” He says after a moment of tense silence, bypassers giving us odd glances.

He lays a hand on Tamamori's shoulder in goodbye before brushing past, disappearing into the crowd.

Tamamori stares after him, before turning to me, looking astonished. “What the hell was that?”

I see his honest confusion and annoyance, and I can't contain my feelings anymore, even though we're still just outside the station and there are people all around us. “I don't like you hanging out with him. Not after...”

Tamamori looks like he's going to lash out at me during the first part, but then his features show guilt, and he ends up with kind of a snarl. “I've said I'm sorry right? It's not like it meant anything!”

“He loves you, you know that right?” I snap back at him, and he just rolls his dark eyes.

“Of course he does, we've been best friends for years?”

“No I mean, he's in love with you.” I look at him, seeing the progression of realisation passing in his facial expressions, and I know that he suddenly sees a lot of things in a new light, but I can also tell he doesn't want to believe me.

“No.” He says firmly, mostly to himself. “He's not.”

“He is, it's obvious. Why do you think he hates me so fucking bad? Because he wants to be your boyfriend, kiss you and hold your hand and most certainly fuck your brains out.” I lower my voice but I can't keep the harsh tone out.

Tamamori cringes at that, but he looks at me and he's not angry anymore. “... What?”

I am a bad person I guess. But I want Tamamori to be shocked and disgusted. To tell Fujigaya that it doesn't work and they can't see each other again. But when I see his face now, I know that all I've done is make him want to run after Fujigaya and ask for the truth.

My steam blows off and I feel like leaning back against the wall and just stay here forever. We go grocery shopping, talking only about necessary things, even though there's a cloud of tension between us, and we manage to get the whole way back to our apartment before the discussion is unavoidable.

We talk for hours, and I've never cried more in my life, even though Tamamori is perfectly calm, compassionate even, like he's out of anger. Consent to our break-up is coaxed out of me, and I know it's for the best, but I don't want to break up. I don't want to have my own apartment, sleep alone every single night. Not have him by my side. But Tamamori talks me into it, his arguments valid and horribly much like he's thought them through for a long time.

We lie next to each other that night, my back turned towards his, and I can't help but wonder if it was my reveal of Fujigaya's feelings that brought us here.

~*~

I sip my coffee and laugh at Nikaido's stupid comment about copying machines. Senga just rolls his eyes and laces their fingers together on the table, a small smile on his lips. Nikaido isn't very bright. But he's so good for Senga and Senga's so good for him. I feel a twinge of heartbreak every time they're sweet to each other, but I try not to let it show. I just wish someone would feel like that for me.

It's been two months since Tamamori moved out, and I haven't spoken to him since. A few stiff mails have passed between us, and I've tried to start a conversation, but he won't talk to me. He's not refusing, I just feel that he doesn't want to. I've tried to continue my life as usual, but I feel a little handicapped, like I'm not a full person anymore. This is one of the few times Senga's forced me to come out and do something.

I've seen them once. Accidentally. I had an errand to the bank and walked down the street where Fujigaya works. And I saw them, Tamamori seemingly meeting him up for lunch, considering the time of day. I froze on the spot, staring across the street at them. I was overwhelmed by some ugly feelings I thought I had forgotten, and I couldn't make myself move. I saw them hug and walk away, a smile on both their faces. I went home and cried, suddenly back to square one in my process of getting over it.

I still don't know if anything has changed between them. I could ask Senga, but I don't think I want to know. Fujigaya's always been evasive to me, and now, I feel like it's better if he stays that way.

~*~

Comments

[nanu00.livejournal.com]

thanks for sharing your work dear!
Miyata´s feelings are soo precious and his sadness is soo well written , I can practicaly feel his sadness .
and Tama-Gaya is one of my fav ships and this is making me feel guilty but in a great way!
thanks again!

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I tried really hard to make the feelings come across so I'm glad they did. Guilty in a great way, I guess that's good haha. Thank you <3

[ifeellikeurface.livejournal.com]

But DUDE, Tama/Gaya is my favorite ship and this had me in mixed emotions. I just couldn't help but feel sad for your characterization of Miyacchi here, he needs lots of hugs and I was hoping TamaGaya wouldn't happen but still happen, you feel my confusion. ;_;

Thanks for writing this, though! <3

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Yeah I had those feelings too that's why I couldn't decide how to end it haha ;__;
Happy you liked it <3