[Christmas Gift Fic] #7 - Secrets that shouldn't remain

[h_itoshi]

Title: Secrets that shouldn't remain
Prompt: #7 - Telling each other a secret
Wordcount: 1221
Notes: Mild mentions of abuse, fluff. AU.

Nikaido's pretty sure Senga has a secret. Not some ordinary one like what he's getting Nikaido for his birthday or that he said he did his homework but didn't. No, Nikaido's pretty sure this is major.

They've been together for two months now, even though they've been friends forever, and he started suspecting something was off during week one.

But he didn't think too much of it then, everyone's fidgety and nervous when there are first times like showering together and sleeping in the same bed. Not like they haven't done that before, but it's different doing it as lovers. Everything counts as a first again.

But then, Senga sometimes makes this face when Nikaido does nothing out of the ordinary. A vigilant face, and his whole body goes on edge for a few seconds before he forces himself to relax. Like when Nikaido asks if he checked the mail, or when Nikaido's doing the dishes and asks Senga something at the same time.

Then there was that one time Nikaido dropped a glass on the floor that broke, and Senga let out a small screech in surprise, which really was an overreaction because the sound couldn't be misjudged as anything else than what it was.

And then it's the way he reacts sometimes when Nikaido touches him. Sometimes when Nikaido holds him he squirms away, trying to laugh it off as being too warm, but Nikaido can tell that's not it. And that time Nikaido grabbed his wrist to halt him from leaving once they'd had a small fight, and Senga flinched, entire body going rigid.

Something's not right, and Nikaido wants to know what it is.

“Kento?” Nikaido asks finally, a Thursday night after dinner, their dishes still on the living room table and Senga's concentrated on the news flashing on the TV.

“Hmm?” Senga asks, still looking at the news.

“Are you hiding something from me?” Nikaido asks bluntly. Knowing himself, he's never gonna manage something subtle.

Senga winces and turns to look at him. Guilty. “What do you mean?”

“You... react strangely sometimes.” Nikaido frowns as he tries to explain what he means. “Overreact. Flinch and tense and stuff.”

“Oh.” Senga says and folds his hands in his lap, and Nikaido's never seen him like this before. He looks regretful and vulnerable, and all Nikaido wants to do is hug him and say sorry for bringing it up. All he can make himself do is put a hand on his thigh, and Senga jumps in surprise before looking up at Nikaido with a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

Nikaido purses his lips at Senga's reaction. “Why are you doing that? Don't you like me?”

“Yes, yes, of course I do!” Senga quickly reassures him, eyes widening as if it's madness that Nikaido could ever consider otherwise. His hand settles over Nikaido's on his thigh. “You're the most important person I have.”

Nikaido can't help the little smile that takes over his lips at the words, still new enough for them to warm his entire body. “Then what?”

Senga sighs and laces their fingers together. “... Don't tell anyone. Ever.”

Nikaido's frowning now, because that sounds serious. “I won't.”

“I...” Senga starts, then sighs dejectedly. “This is really awkward to talk about.”

“What? Come on, you can tell me anything?” Nikaido says, honestly, wishing for Senga to be able to tell him anything.

“I know.” Senga squeezes his hand a little harder and takes a deep breath. “My ex-boyfriend used to hit me.”

The words are rushed, as if he's forcing them out before he changes his mind, and Nikaido feels as if though something heavy just dropped on his heart, pushing it down and leaving him incapable of speaking as so many things suddenly click into place.

“I'm doing my best to get over it, and it's not like I think you'd ever hurt me, but it's just... instinct.” Senga tries to explain, sounding apologetic about it. “Some things are just warning bells to my body. I'm so sorry Nika.”

That gets Nikaido angry enough to regain his ability of speech. “No. There's nothing to be sorry about, you haven't done anything wrong at all.”

Senga seems to relax a little, and Nikaido vaguely wonders when this happened, if they even knew each other when it did. Hoping they didn't because that would mean he didn't notice. Senga glances up at him with a tiny wavering smile and Nikaido can't help but throw his arms around him and hug him, blood boiling in anger at the thought of someone willingly hurting him.

It takes Senga a second to hug him back, hands shaking a little as they settle on Nikaido's shoulder blades, and Nikaido can feel how much he's really hurting even though he tries not to show it.

“Kento. You can talk to me you know. I might not be the most sensitive guy around but I love you and I don't want you to feel bad in any way.” Nikaido mumbles into Senga's hair, and feels Senga's arm tighten around him for a moment.

“I know.” He says, slowly letting go of Nikaido to lean back and look at him. “I'm just... I don't really want to think about it.”

Nikaido's not really sure what to say to that. He understands, of course, but somehow it hurts that Senga doesn't want to share that part of his life. “... Just tell me what I can do and I'll do it.”

Senga smiles at that, a small but genuine smile, and the anxious hurt in Nikaido's chest flutters away like a frightened butterfly. “I'm so happy you're my boyfriend Takashi.”

And Nikaido melts on the inside, just like that, and he doesn't even know what he did to deserve it, but he loves it.

Senga reaches out for his hand and holds it, looking at Nikaido like he might cry, and Nikaido will never be able to understand all the things Senga feels. “I know you'd never hurt me. I trust you more than anyone in the world, so just give me some time okay? I'm... There is just something about... Calling it a relationship that puts me on edge I guess.”

“We don't have to call it a relationship?” Nikaido tries, because as long as they stay what they are now, what does it matter?

Senga just laughs quietly, before leaning over to place a tiny kiss on Nikaido's lips, just for a brief second, and once again Nikaido's bewildered by Senga's response. “You are so sweet, you know that? Just give me some time and try not to freak out. At least not when I do.”

Nikaido doesn't know whether to smile dorkily or frown at the last part, so he ends up making a face that causes Senga to laugh and kiss him again.

“I'll tell you about it when I'm more ready for it, okay?” Senga asks seriously, cupping Nikaido's face in his hand, and somehow Nikaido feels like he's the one being comforted.

“Yeah.” He agrees automatically. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“Yes. As long as I have you, I will be.” Senga answers seriously and Nikaido's left speechless until Senga smiles. “Now shush and kiss me.”

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Nikaido doesn't know whether to smile dorkily or frown at the last part, so he ends up making a face that causes Senga to laugh and kiss him again.

♥