From Blue Sky - Chapter 10/15

[h_itoshi]

Title: From Blue Sky
Status: 10/15
Fandom: Hey! Say! JUMP
Pairing: None. Main characters are Yabu, Hikaru, Yamada and Chinen.
Overall rating: PG-15 for minor character death and depictions of violence
Warnings: AU. I made Chinen 11 years old which is what the plot revolves around.
Wordcount: 3747

Summary: "He's a cute boy, isn't he?" Takaki says, his voice dangerously low as his eyes follow the young boy, probably around ten years old, walking next to his classy mother and seemingly trying to nag her into something. "I think he'd be even cuter lying at my feet with his throat sliced."

Notes: This is inspired by the Mayonaka no Shadow boy PV and a movie which I won't admit to ripping the plot from until someone calls me on it. I love the atmosphere of the PV and wanted to write something similar to it, and I've had this plot lying around for years, so I thought it was finally time. I'm planning on posting twice a week if you want to stick around~

 

It's weird, because it smells so familiar even though he's never been here before. He knew Keito had an apartment in Tokyo, but he never expected to run into them just like this. It must be fate, Hikaru thinks as he sits down on the couch and looks around the living room.

He must admit that it hurts a little seeing their items already mixed together so soon, like they've lived together for a long time. But most of these things must still be Keito's. The guitar is definitely Keito's because Inoo couldn't handle that if he tried.

Hikaru doesn't think twice before rising to pick up the shiny black instrument and then sits down again, strumming a few chords. It sounds nice, so he keeps going, picking out a gentle melody without really thinking.

Yabu's in the kitchen with Chinen and Inoo, and even though Keito most likely doesn't have anything to say to them, he's there too because he's obviously very uncomfortable being alone with Hikaru. Poor thing, Hikaru can't help but think, because he's not one to hold grudges, so it's a shame things has to be awkward between them.

"Hikaru?" A small voice says from the doorway and Hikaru looks up from the guitar to see Chinen, but doesn't stop playing.

He's not very surprised, because he's had a feeling that Chinen badly wanted to say something to him ever since Hikaru got out of the shower half an hour ago.

"Yes?" He asks, a little concerned, because Chinen's face is very serious under his still damp bangs and the clothes he's borrowed are ridiculously big on him again, making him look so small.

"Can I talk to you... About something?" Chinen asks, glancing towards the kitchen like he's going to get caught, and Hikaru easily understands that it's something Chinen doesn't want Yabu to hear.

"'Mmhm." He agrees, smiling and patting the cushion next to him before continuing to play.

Chinen comes closer at the invitation, crawling up next to Hikaru in the couch. He gets so close they're touching, and Hikaru wonders what he's so insecure about, wants to help him fix it, but figures there's no point in pushing him.

"I can't play guitar." Chinen mumbles, leaning against Hikaru's arm as he presses even closer.

"It's not very difficult." Hikaru smiles. "If you just learn a few chords you can play thousands of songs."

"Mm." Chinen mumbles, and Hikaru stays quiet and waits, just gently playing to keep it from being too quiet.

It takes a few moments, but Hikaru understands the question before the words leave Chinen's lips, understands from the way small hands wrap around his arm and Chinen's shaky breath.

"... Is my mother dead?"

The question is innocent but at the same time knowing, like he just needs confirmation, and Hikaru doesn't know what to say, his heart clenching because he can't lie but it's such a horrible thing to say.

He sets the guitar aside and wraps his arms around Chinen's small shoulders instead, pulling him in close to his chest, and he feels the smaller body start shaking at the same time as Yabu shows up in the doorway looking like he's about to panic about losing his child.

His features does this funny thing of first showing relaxation and then immediately knitting back into worry as he takes in the scene.

He seems like he doesn't know what to do, opening his mouth like he wants to ask something, but Hikaru gently shakes his head and he closes it again. If Chinen didn't want Yabu to overhear the question, he probably didn't want Yabu's comfort right now either.

Yabu stands still in the doorway for a moment, looking at Chinen crying into Hikaru's T-shirt for a reason he clearly doesn't know, and he looks so helpless Hikaru's heart hurts even more, and his arms involuntarily tighten around Chinen as if he can hug them both that way.

But Yabu turns and leaves, heading back to the kitchen to distract Inoo and Keito most likely, and Hikaru lets Chinen cry until he's just taking deep breaths and his shoulders have stilled.

“I saw the papers.” Chinen mumbles, and if he hadn't been speaking into Hikaru's chest, he wouldn't have heard him. Hikaru bites his lip, thinking that it was stupid of them not to remove things like that, but then Chinen continues. “But I already knew.”

“You did?” Hikaru asks quietly, raising an almost numb hand from where they're wrapped tightly around Chinen to stroke his hair instead.

“She's my mother.” Chinen whispers, but his voice is thick and he sounds just like he's about to start crying again.

“I know.” Hikaru agrees, and lets his hand trail from Chinen's hair to his chin, gently lifting his face so they can look at each other. His eyes are red and face blotchy, and he raises his sleeve to wipe his nose, but doesn't look away from Hikaru. “So she's with you, right?”

Chinen bites his lip, and a fresh tear rolls down his cheek, but he nods slowly, and Hikaru pulls him close again because Chinen deserves all the love he can give.

 

~*~

 

Something is off when Yamada exits the bathroom and he finds Hikaru and Chinen standing before him. Hikaru has this sad look in his eyes and Chinen has definitely been crying; Yamada catches a good look of his eyes and nose all red even though he quickly slinks past Yamada into the bathroom and pulls the door closed behind him.

Hikaru just looks at Yamada with a small smile that doesn't appear very genuine.

"Feels good to be clean right?" He asks, and even though it definitely does, Yamada's not thrown off that easily.

"What happened?" Yamada demands, voice low but authoritative enough for Hikaru, who sighs in defeat immediately.

"He knows about his mom." He says quietly, the pain reflecting in his eyes and Yamada feels like he was just punched in the chest.

"Oh." Is all he says, not sure he can get his voice to work for more, but Hikaru is clearly not paying attention to his reactions as he just goes on.

"He was devastated, of course, but I think he handled it well." He says, still as quietly. "He's really brave."

Yamada doesn't know how to respond to that, but thankfully Yabu steps out of the kitchen and announces that their clothes should be done and they could get going. Preferably now.

Hikaru cheers and goes to get his clothes, leaving Yamada standing there listening to the running tap in the bathroom and trying to figure out what this reaction is.

Deep down, he already knows, but he could never go as low as admitting he feels guilty.

The door opens behind him again and Chinen steps out, still a little red and puffy, but he looks very fine for an eleven year old just learning his mother died. He looks up at Yamada meekly, and Yamada doesn't know what to say, because a part of him wants to apologize, and it's so wrong he can't even move.

Then he feels eyes on him and immediately turns to meet them with a glare, and Okamoto jumps where he stands in the doorway and drops his gaze immediately with what appears to be a blush on his cheeks.

"Your clothes are clean." Yamada finally manages to say without really looking at Chinen, and Chinen nods and heads for the laundry, while Yamada continues glaring at Okamoto, wondering what his problem is.

They all change into their clean clothes, and since Yamada didn't agree to have his own clothes laundered, he borrows a T-shirt from Yabu instead. It was mainly the shower he needed anyway.

Yabu changes into a classier outfit that has none of the pieces he was wearing when they were spotted on the street, and Hikaru actually gets clothes that look like they're outerwear and not just a cardigan.

They pointedly don't discuss any plans before leaving, because Yamada for sure doesn't trust Inoo and Okamoto, which means Yabu doesn't either. The thanks and goodbye is definitely awkward even though Hikaru chatters on like nothing is wrong as usual, with Chinen quiet and shy and Yamada and Yabu barely talking.

“I hope they don't report us.” Yabu mutters as they step onto the street again, Chinen's hand securely in his as they head for the station.

“They won't.” Hikaru assures, smiling, and he looks almost fashionable now with his blonde hair, a suit jacket and that leather bag. “Inoo-chan has too much conscience.”

“It's the quiet one I'm worried about.” Yabu tells him pointedly, and Yamada has to agree.

Surprisingly, Hikaru bursts out laughing at that. “Seriously? I'd be surprised if Keito even remembered your names with how busy he was ogling Yama-chan.”

“What?” Yamada's question comes out as horrified as he feels before he can control it, and he immediately regrets opening his mouth.

“Please, didn't you notice? He couldn't take his eyes off you, you must be the prettiest boy he's ever seen or something.” Hikaru smiles over his shoulder, and Yamada is about to snap something back because what the hell, but then the light turns green and Hikaru's focus shifts to crossing the street.

 

~*~

 

There is something wrong with Chinen, and Yabu has a creeping feeling he's the only one not knowing what it is. First off, Chinen hasn't said a word since they left the apartment, and earlier he just wouldn't shut up about everything he saw. And second, that crying with Hikaru was definitely not something small. And the reason Yabu feels left out is because Yamada is completely unbothered by the situation, almost seems to avoid looking at Chinen rather than constantly keeping an eye on him like he normally does.

But then again, Yabu recognizes grief when he sees it. So maybe he doesn't have to be told what is wrong, because he almost knows, he just doesn't want to put it into words. But he still feels selfishly left out because no one tells him.

They barely speak until they're inside the station, standing before a massive chart of train lines and looking like generic tourists, which is just what they were aiming for.

“So we're here...” Yamada points at a station very far out on the map, in the North West corner. “And we're supposed to get here.”

Yabu vaguely recognizes the station name, but he's too worried looking at how ridiculously central it is and how many train changes they'll have to manage without being recognized.

“How do we do this without being caught?” He asks calmly, and Hikaru groans and leans on his shoulder.

“Yabu-chan, you're never very positive, are you?” He asks, and Yabu almost wants to smile. But he doesn't.

“I'm a chronic realist and we need a plan B and preferably C too.” He points out, and Yamada waits out Hikaru's dramatic sigh before talking.

“We should decide how to split up in case something happens.” He says, and he's obviously about to keep talking, but trails off just when Yabu feels Chinen's hand slip out of his and Chinen determinedly steps over to Yamada.

“I'm going with you.” He says firmly, and everyone looks about the same degree of surprised for a moment, even though Yabu's mostly surprised that he's talking again. Chinen clearly likes Yamada best for some reason he can't figure out.

Hikaru finds himself first.

“Well, that leaves you and me.” He smiles and nudges Yabu's shoulder. “You were saying, Yama-chan?”

Yamada glances at Chinen once more, then turns back to point at the map. “If we lose each other we'll meet here. There's a café just outside the west exit, we'll wait for each other there until four o'clock. If the others don't show up by then, we'll stay here over night and meet at seven in the morning tomorrow, also west exit. Okay?”

He turns from the map where he pointed out two different stations about half way to their goal and seemingly safely far enough from the straight route they'd take.

“Yes, that sounds good.” Yabu agrees at the same time as Hikaru asks Yamada to please say that again. “You're with me Hikaru, I'll remember for you.”

“Not if you lose me!” Hikaru points out, and Yabu has to admit to himself that that's a valid point, and lets Yamada repeat it again.

“Then should we get going?” Yamada suggests, an eyebrow raised at Hikaru, and Yabu is just about to agree when Hikaru opens his mouth again.

“Can we please get coffee first? Just a take-away? I saw this reeeally nice place a little further down and a caramel latte never killed anyone right?” He smiles hopefully, and Yabu rolls his eyes to tell him no, definitely no.

“I want one too.” Chinen says then, and just like that Yabu's ready to agree on coffee, silently beating himself up for being so easy for seeing the kid happy.

“Didn't you say you don't drink coffee?” Hikaru asks sceptically, and Chinen frowns, reminding a lot of his brattier self again and even that's a relief.

“I don't, but they have other things than coffee, right?” He argues, and Hikaru grins.

“Come on then.” He says and starts walking without waiting for any affirmation from the other two. “What are you getting, hot chocolate?”

Chinen hurries to follow him, lighting up at the thought of hot chocolate, and Yabu's ridiculous heart feels like it finally found the surface after being held under water.

Yamada sighs and glances at Yabu. “Oh what the hell, I need some coffee myself.”

Yabu rolls his eyes but follows them. “This is the kind of thing that's going to get us caught.”

“Or it'll completely save us.” Yamada says, and even though Yabu wants to ask him to please elaborate that, he decides that maybe he should just order coffee and shut up for once.

The first train works fine, they're riding it for almost 40 minutes and Hikaru's slowly luring Chinen back out of his temporary shell by pointing at everything weird he sees and commenting on it. Yabu also has a feeling that the hot chocolate with cream helped.

The first train change has Yabu's nerves on edge, and he feels like everyone is staring at them for too long, but nothing happens.

Chinen's talking again, asking things and tugging at Hikaru's sleeve every other minute to point at things outside the windows. It's probably their saving grace, Yabu thinks, because he doesn't appear very kidnapped like that. He's also starting to suspect that the fact that Chinen's talking to Hikaru helps further, because he sees people just glancing at them and then lingering their gaze on Hikaru's hair for a moment.

It's not that odd being blonde in Tokyo, but apparently it still makes people focus on Hikaru's hair rather than what's around him.

“Where are we now?” Chinen asks when they walk down the stairs at their second change station.

“Closer?” Hikaru suggests, and Chinen frowns and tells him that's no good answer, but Hikaru just grins.

And then it happens.

“Excuse me sir.” A voice says behind Yabu just when they've come down the stairs, and he can feel his own pulse speed up, tries to keep breathing slowly and pretend he didn't hear.

“Stop.” The voice is louder, and Yabu feels a firm hand on his shoulder.

He's already thinking of possible escape routes as he turns around to see a man in security uniform staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“I'll need to see your identification.” The man says, his voice suspicious while glancing behind Yabu as if he's looking for someone.

Yabu doesn't turn around, just frowns in confusion for show, and he hopes that Chinen's already far away and won't be found by any security guards. But he can see another man, this one's colleague definitely, talking quickly into a walkie-talkie of some sort and Yabu's heart sinks because no.

“Identification. Now.” The man before him urges, but Yabu has no intention of showing it, considering if it's worth it to just turn and run or if he should play stupid and give them some more time to get away.

“There will be no identification.” A very familiar voice says suddenly, and before Yabu can even react Yamada's stepped up just behind the security guard, gun pressed firmly against his ribcage without it being obvious what's going on for someone just passing by.

The guard's eyes widen in shock, glancing down at the weapon pointed at him and his face goes white.

“I'd suggest you stay silent and I'll let you go.” Yamada says calmly, looking over the man's shoulder at Yabu and darts his eyes towards the stairs to the platform they just came from.

The hint is obvious and Yabu doesn't hesitate more than a second before turning and walking back to the platform with hurried steps, making sure not to look like he's running, thoughts spinning in his head.

He gets on the train that's standing on the platform without knowing where it's heading, just walks far into the cart and keeps his gaze low. Just when the doors close he hears sirens further away, and his heart beats like crazy while he can't stop thinking about why the hell Yamada would stay behind for his sake.

 

~*~

 

“Do you think blueberry or cinnamon muffin is the best?” Hikaru asks, glancing between the two types he can't decide between.

“Blueberry.” The waitress smiles cutely, and Hikaru figures she knows what she's talking about. “It's the more popular one.”

“Then I'll have that.” Hikaru decides, looking at Chinen. “What do you want?”

“The big chocolate cake.” Chinen says without hesitating, pointing at some massive chocolate creation through the glass.

Hikaru grins and ruffles his hair while the girl behind the counter laughs.

He also buys Chinen another hot chocolate and a strong coffee for himself.

They're at the café by the west exit, and it's already 2 pm. It took them some time to get here, since Hikaru needed a while to figure out the train lines, but it's a nice café, half full and calm.

He wonders how Yamada knows of this place because it seems way too fluffy and date-y for him to ever come here, but that might just be prejudice.

“How long are we going to wait?” Chinen asks when they've sat down at a small table further in the back but with a slight window view. There's only a plant with long leaves in the way, which works great, Hikaru thinks, so no one will see them from the street.

“I don't know.” He says honestly, because he doesn't. He didn't even understand what happened, suddenly Yamada had just grabbed his arm and told him to take Chinen, walk to another station and go to the café they had decided, and then he was gone again.

It wasn't that difficult to figure out that someone must have recognized Yabu, but he didn't know what Yamada was planning to do about it or how they were going to meet later.

He just walked with Chinen, hearing the sirens behind them at the station they just left. He figured it was smartest to just keep pretending nothing was wrong, and it seemed to work since nobody reacted at seeing them even as they went to the next train station to find a good new route.

“I hope they're okay.” Chinen mumbles, and Hikaru smiles.

“I'm sure they are. We wouldn't have gotten here without them, would we?” He asks, and Chinen nods slowly, looking at his chocolate cake without much appetite now. “Hey. It's Yama-chan, he'll fix things.”

That seems to help a little, since Chinen nods slowly and reaches for his spoon.

They eat, chatting about what they're having and Hikaru eats some of Chinen's chocolate cake for him since he only gets halfway through before whining about not wanting anymore, it's too much.

They're in the middle of a conversation about foods they like and not when Hikaru suddenly feels a presence behind him and he turns to look up just as Chinen falls silent.

Yamada sits down on the chair next to him, looking resolute but calm as he glances at them and at their plates.

“Yama-chan.” Hikaru says, relieved to see at least one of them back in one piece.

Yamada opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn't get a word out before Chinen's slipped from his chair and rushed around the table to hug Yamada, tight.

The shock on Yamada's face is funny, but mostly Hikaru's focused on how cute it is that Chinen hugs him, and he can tell how worried Chinen's really been even though he didn't let it show.

Yamada doesn't seem to know what to do, completely thrown off from his earlier focused expression as he glances at Chinen's head as well as he can, hands frozen in a half-raised motion as if to push him away.

“You could hug back you know.” Hikaru says, mostly to see Yamada's reaction to it but also because it would help Chinen. “You're not exactly going easy on our nerves.”

He doesn't expect Yamada to do it. But he actually raises his arms and squeezes Chinen once, before letting go, and it makes Chinen pull back, looking a little sheepish.

“Where's Yabu-chan?” Hikaru asks to break the silence before it gets awkward, and Yamada's face immediately goes back to focused.

“Hopefully, he'll come.” Yamada says, and Hikaru can tell that he's not supposed to ask more than that.

Chinen slowly slips back to his seat, a little blush on his small cheeks, and he gives his cake plate a defeated look.

“I'm sure he will.” Hikaru says, to help convince everyone, then takes Chinen's plate from before him. “Chocolate cake Yama-chan?”

Yamada raises an eyebrow but then shrugs like what the hell and accepts the plate.

Hikaru glances at the clock, seeing it's twenty minutes to four and hopes they won't have to wait all those minutes.

 

~*~

Chapter 9

Chapter 11

 

Comments

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

I don't know how, but I caught this just as you posted it AND I AM READY TO SCREAM AT YOU AGAIN

CAPS LOCK ON BECAUSE THAT FIRST SCENE WITH CHINEN BROKE MY HEART. LIKE I CAN'T EVEN COMPARE IT TO THE HEARTBREAK THAT WAS YABU'S BACKSTORY BUT JUST...CHINEN KNOWING THAT HIS MOTHER IS DEAD IS HORRIBLE. IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN BUT HE FOUND OUT AWAY FROM HOME, AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY, AND I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL BAD FOR HIM.

Also, not gunna lie, even without knowing Hikaru's backstory I love that Hikaru is the most trustworthy out of the group?? Like Yamada just up and left Chinen with him so he could save Yabu from the authorities when Chinen said he wanted to go with Yamada. Although it makes me wonder that if I'm right about Hikaru's backstory that if they'll still find him to be trustworthy then...we shall see.

And I need to say the anticipation for Hikaru's backstory is slowly killing me. It's going to be a long wait until the next chapter xD

Yabu seems to get into a lot of trouble I feel like...he's always the last to arrive whenever they group up after being separated. I hope he's gunna be okay....

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Is it bad that I kind of enjoy you screaming at me? D: xD

I figured kids are normally better to deal with these things than expected so I had to have him know. /I/ felt bad about him not knowing after all.

Just a heads up, you might have to wait some for Hikaru's story haha, so don't stress yourself about that ;)

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

I meannnn I wouldn't feel bad if someone screamed at me over a fic xD to me, it's flattery cause I made someone emotional and this fic makes me so emotional.

Kids understand a lot more than what we give them credit for. I'm just glad that he knew and it wasn't being kept a secret anymore. Also it gives him time to mourn

Ahhhhhhh then I'll wait patiently until it's finally revealed. But the anticipation is horrible, just so you know xD

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Haha, yes, it makes me SO happy every time you caps at me, seriously. I'm like "someone likes what I made ;__; <33 ;_____;" xD

I feel bad about keeping you waiting, but. You'll have to xD

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

to be honest?? i've read everything you've written for jump and i adore everything (like i said, false actor is my favorite) but your writing is so damn good. you're honestly one of my favorite HSJ writers and I kind of died a little bit when you commented on my fic "Mercy"....so i'll keep commenting and telling you how much i love your stuff. believe me <3

it's alright xD there has to be some kind of build up for who hikaru is. but i will yell if we never find out!

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

... Yeah I might actually cry now, I love you, okay?
I really like your writing too, it's different and intense and. Yeah, it's good. I like that you write kind of rare-pairs too? I've read something more of yours, I just suck completely at commenting. I'm sorry ;_;

I promise it will be there. In good time.

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

I love you too <3 and please don't cry over little ole me!
To be honest, I write the rare-pairs cause writing the same pairing over and over can get a little boring?? And I like variety. And it's alright <33 commenting can be hard sometimes, especially when you're busy. but this....means so much coming from you that you like my stuff ;~; thank you seriously

that's the name of the game xD eventually

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

I cry about everything haha ;_; <3

I'm a bit envious there, I wish I wrote more rare-pairs. I find myself going "oh come on AGAIN?" when I write haha, but I guess I'll just write a pair until I tire of it. But some variety is definitely nice.
Also, I'm very easily affected when someone hints they like/dislike something since I don't have friends who read my stuff, so I swing almost too easily to make someone else happy haha.

I promise to comment better in the future, I know how much comments mean and still I... think I don't have much useful to say idk? I'll try and do better!

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

THEN LET YOUR TEARS COME OUT! FREE THEM! haha

To be honest?? I used to be like that. I used to only write what one of my friends liked because I wanted to make them happy and, in turn, it started making me hate writing. I'd procrastinate on a lot of stuff until, eventually, I just stopped. I was lucky a new friend pushed me back into writing, and I decided ever since I'd write what I'd want to read. If other people liked it, cool. If not, oh well. I enjoyed it!
And not saying that'll happen to you (cause we're two different people) but like...be really self-indulgent sometimes. Cause really, no matter what you put out I'm going to enjoy!

I don't mind if you don't?? Like I love seeing the kudos count rise on my fics on ao3 too. Cause its a little reminder that people like it enough to hit that button.

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

I kind of know that feeling, in a way? I had an absolute best friend for years who got me into jpop through Kisumai, and I loved writing them for her because I had been without fandom for a long time and it felt so good to write again.
But then we kind of broke up after a long time of fighting and stuff, and during that time I started getting into jump, which she wasn't too fond of, for reasons. But that made me feel like I shouldn't write jump, especially certain characters/pairs (like, anything with chinen), and that's why I still hesitate before posting certain things haha :( But. I try to just write for me and focus on that it's just a bonus if someone else likes it, and I'm getting better at it, but I still keep yamada/chinen stuff finished for weeks before managing to make myself post it haha :( xD

Hm, maybe I'm just spoiled haha. I mean I love getting kudos, it's like yes confirmation ;_; but still I'm always wondering "but WHAT about it did you like" haha, so I prefer comments xD

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

That honestly sounds absolutely horrible. And I can see why you take so long to post stuff (didn't you hold onto the won't change without challege sequel for like months before you posted it???). But everything takes time and that's what sucks. Cause I want to get over something now and move to the future but you just can't.

And your Yamada/Chinese stuff is amazing. Like the college au that you did where they were roommates was amazing and I can't express the joy I felt when you posted that sequel! I died when I saw it at work and ran home to read it. I'm honestly so happy that you keep posting your stuff

I can understand that xD I just don't want to be pushy and be like "come on guys. Comment on my stuff" but I will always scream at you if you need me to!

(Also I feel bad we've been talking for a little bit and I never introduced myself. Hello~ I'm Bane!)

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it totally sucks :( this happened over a year ago, but I had literally two jpop friends and lost both at the same time so I suppose it takes extra time when you're lonely and bitter like me haha :( xD

About the au - totallly guilty, I did. I've also been 14 freaking pages into a third part for a few months but I'm like "meh this sucks" haha.
It means a lot to hear you like it though!! <3 I love that ship so much but it's just... my guilt ship at the same time orz

Haha I guess it is a bit demanding xD but that's good to know <3

(I was thinking about that too lately haha, hi, I'm Anna)

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

and you lost the people that brought you into the fandom. luckily life moves on but being in that situation sucks and you don't think you can move forward. Hopefully you've met some cool people since then :DD

I mean, I can kind of understand that. Cause we're our own worst critiques. Plus I don't even know how you would finish that story?? (i mean they finally have sex but like...the story behind why the finally do).
I absolutely adore it! I think that was the first fic of yours that I read and that's how I found False Actor. I absolutely ADORE YamaKeito (like, probably my OTP in Jump tbh) so I know the feeling. You have to write them. I'm trying to plot out a huge multi-chapter fic for them right now and I'm dying

I just try not to post in my author's notes to comment?? just cause i don't want to be pushy >.> but yeah. i'll try and be good and comment on your newest stuff too <333333

(haha nice to meet you~ weird question do you have twitter or anything? or do you just use LJ and ao3?)

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Haha not really, but I have real life friends I can force to watch things/listen to me if I have to xD

I'm a chronic build-up writer so that's normally never my problem hehe, I just think it gets too long or too complicated most of the time.
I really like Yamakeito too! Their dynamics are just too good haha. I feel like I've written them tons because I have like 20k half-done chapterfic with them (... since jumping carnival...), but I keep realizing I have like nothing posted lol.
I hate chapterfics, really xD It takes so much EFFORT and TIME and I never finish one in less than a year because I just drop them xD I have a feeling you're better at chapterfics, you just finished one, didn't you?

Haha I'm so greedy for comments. I think it might be because I started on lj and then got ao3? Because if you don't comment on lj, I'll have no idea anyone even read it and feel like there's no point in for example cross-posting to communities if no one wants to read it. Ao3 is better like that with the kudos, I think :3

(If I have twitter, I don't think I could live without twitter haha. I'm visualki there :3)

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

Luckyyyy I wish I could convince my friends to watch stuff with me xD they're interested in animated idols but not real ones

Believe me, a fic can never be too long to read. I'm trying to work my way through a 600k Kingdom Hearts fanfic right now. I'll wade through anything for a good plot haha

I just love them so much?? Their dynamic and how they interact with each other is just perfect for me. And I don't know how you have so many fics started. It's amazing cause if I focus on more than one I'm just dead.

I hate them too because I worry so much that my plot is being consistent. And I just did! And it's a miracle that, that one got finished. I had to push myself to write so much and get it done. AND I'm plotting out another one right now because I like death haha

That's true. LJ now has the likes thing which is nice but you don't get a view count or anything for your fic. I still try to at least post to the fanfic community to see if anyone is interested in it but that's it

(Oooooo in gunna follow you! So we can chat there too! I'm banekicksdavid and you can follow me if you want. I'll warn you I spam a lot haha)

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

Mostly my guy friends actually I don't even know? I have a guy friend who went to the concert with me and thinks Yamada's hot? I don't know what I did to deserve this honestly.

HAHA I would NEVER read a 600k no matter what xD I'm a oneshot person, so I think that's why I think everything I write gets long and boring haha.

They're so cute, aren't they?
Oh, I... If I have less than ten fics started at once I'm starting to question my own imagination haha, I need a lot to choose from when I feel like writing depending on my mood? I guess xD

Ah, consistency. That's why it takes me so long to write chapters, Idek how many times I've read the chapters of this fic just to make sure there are no obvious plot holes haha. ... Yeah that seems like you like torturing yourself x'D

(THAT'S OKAY, I spam too hehe. Let's spam each other.)

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

That's so strange. I'd think that guys wouldn't want to get into JE groups??? And tbh I don't blame your friend. Yamada is beautiful. You're lucky

It's like reading three novels back to back xD it's why I haven't finished it yet. But I can understand. Sometimes you just want something short to read

Suuuuuuper cute.

I have a list of everything I want to write and I still have like eleven ideas written down xD I'm never gunna get them all done I feel like haha. And that makes sense though. Cause you can work on whatever you want to when you want to

I know this feeling. I seriously reread every chapter every day to make sure it all make sense. Plot holes would make me insane to see them in my own work >.< it's torture until it's all done

(Yaaaaaaay hurray for spam haha)

[h-itoshi.livejournal.com]

They don't haha, let's just say I don't force them to talk about it in public.

... I'd rather read novels, idk but I find it really difficult to read chapterfics xD

Oh you will, fanfic isn't really something you grow out of after all, there is time <3 xD I think the longest I took to finish something is three years? xD

It is D: This is a bitch too because I started so long ago, so before I started posting I had to re-read the whole thing twice to take note of things I wrote differently at the beginning >

[sanadas-sanity.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'd force them to talk about it either xD it might be embarrassing for them to admit it

I can kind of see that?? Cause I really like being able to just hold a book in my hands and read it that way. Staring at a computer screen for a long time can be tough

oh jeez i dont think it's ever taken me that long?? i think i wrote a chapterfic back in like....2010 that took me eleven weeks? cause i'd write a chapter a week but that was before i wrote outlines for stuff. typically a 4k word fic takes me 1 to 2 days to write out??

that would be a pain >.< especially cause if you didn't keep rereading it i'd definitely forget details that i originally wrote >.> and then changing it to be consistent would be a pain in the butt