Slow Conversion [Oneshot]

[h_itoshi]

Title: Slow Conversion
Fandom: Hey! Say! JUMP
Pairing: Yamada/Chinen
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 14976
Warnings: University-AU. Unhelpful friends, more parties, you know the deal by now.
Notes: Part three of my yamachi university series! I see it took me 1,5 years to finish the second part, so I'd say I did good writing this in 7 months yeah? Sorry about the length, that's what happens when I get into my AUs after a while haha. It wasn't this long before I wanted to throw in Yamada povs, so. Hope it's enjoyable anyway xD  

 

When Chinen wakes up, he gets the feeling that something is missing before he's even fully conscious, but the first few seconds after he opens his eyes he can't figure out what.

Then he breathes in the scent, and suddenly the messy sheets he's looking at makes him feel cold. There's no one there.

But then there's a scramble from somewhere in the apartment that can only be the kitchen, even though he normally doesn't hear it that loudly. So he glances up, seeing that his door is open, and he frowns, because it never is when he sleeps.

So he gets up, pulling on a t-shirt to look more decent, and heads for the kitchen while trying not to let his heart sink into his stomach just yet.

When he stops in the doorway, Yamada's cooking while humming to himself, wearing sweatpants and a black v-neck t-shirt, his hair messy and a dark mark very obvious on his neck.

The relief of the whole thing not just being a dream comes over him stronger than he expected, and Chinen has to lean against the doorpost for his knees not to give out. It creaks a little when he moves, and it makes Yamada look up from the bowl he's cracking eggs in.

"Oh, good morning. Do you want breakfast?" Yamada says lightly, turning back to his cooking without waiting for an answer. "You know, I have plans today and I have no idea how to cover up this hickey, it's massive. If only we were going out somewhere but we'll be indoors."

Chinen's sigh of relief is vocal enough for Yamada to look up again, and Chinen almost feels like he wants to cry because he was so prepared to have his small hopes crushed.

"You okay?" Yamada asks, clearly confused.

"Soon." Chinen replies, his first word of the day and it's obvious from the cracking of his voice, then steps forward because he needs that final reassurance.

Yamada looks a little surprised but doesn't object when Chinen wraps his arms around his waist from behind, leaning his cheek against Yamada's shoulder blade and breathes him in.

"Yeah, I'm okay now."

He hears as much as he feels Yamada breathe a quiet laugh. "... Did you think I wouldn't remember?"

"Wouldn't be the first time." Chinen says before he can change his mind, then bites his lip because that was a certain way to ruin the mood.

Yamada sighs so deeply Chinen lets go to be able to look at his expression. He looks a little tired but mostly exasperated. "No, but I said it this time, didn't I? Can't you believe in me a bit? Don't be such a girl, please.”

Chinen's eyes immediately narrow, and Yamada's widen like he just realizes what he said.

"Oh sorry that's not... Just...." He breaks off with a sigh and a worried expression. "Ah shit I screwed up, right?"

"If you ever say that again I'll make sure to give you a bruise that looks much less good on you." Chinen tells him, and Yamada makes an interesting facial expression, like he kind of likes hearing that but can't figure out why, and one of his hands go up to his neck.

"... You really were jealous weren't you? I haven't had a hickey like this since I was like 16." Yamada says, and Chinen feels his cheeks heat up.

"Blame yourself." Chinen mutters, but he's not going to lie, it feels good seeing it.

Yamada shrugs like it's okay, and there's a smile tugging at his lips. “Guess it'll give them something to wonder about.”

"Guess I don't have to tell you not to say anything.” Chinen says, raising an eyebrow, and even though he's 99% sure Yamada wouldn't, he doesn't trust him all the way.

"I won't. I'm not ready for that.” He says evasively, but smiles to cover it up and turns back to his food preparations.

"Good." Chinen nods, leaning against the counter on the other side of the stove, watching Yamada mix milk and eggs and he doesn't know what he's making but it looks good. "I'm not ready for everyone to know I'm dating the sluttiest boy on campus and therefore potentially learn my name."

But he can't help but smile as he says it, especially not when Yamada looks up to frown at him, clearly offended, but he rolls his eyes when he sees Chinen's expression.

"Yeah whatever, shut up and go get the bread, I'm making french toast."

Chinen expects Yuto to question him quickly, but receiving a mail 30 minutes after Yamada leaves the house with a fluffy scarf is quick even for Yuto.

IS IT YOURS

Is all it says, and Chinen rolls his eyes but sends a winking emoji because he doesn't know what to say.

HOLY SHIT GOOD JOB. I'm coming over.

Chinen frowns because he thought Yuto was seeing Yamada today, which he points out, but Yuto's simple response is:

Screw that there are others here

Which makes Chinen grin, secretly happy that Yuto really is his friend before Yamada's when it comes down to it.

Yuto shows up half an hour later with glowing eyes and rosy cheeks and Chinen half expects Yuto to kiss him because he looks so excited, but he just throws his coat over the chair in the hall and demands to hear everything before his shoes are even off.

He tells Yuto the whole story, but tries to keep out the intimate details even though Yuto keeps asking for them, and Yuto pats his shoulder when he's done talking.

"This is so... Awesome, isn't it? Try not to think so much about it, I know you'll try to. He's a boy, he's not that complicated.” Yuto tells him sternly, but his wide smile says otherwise. “And besides, he really likes you, you should have seen his face today when he was teased about that mark."

"Oh?" Chinen asks, careful not to show too much hope.

"He was blushing and smiling to the point where everyone now knows he's crushing pretty hard on someone." Yuto smiles affectionately. "And that he's refusing to say who so it's clearly serious."

"Good, I don't want anyone to know." Chinen says seriously, because it would be disastrous at this point, but sees Yuto's raised eyebrow and adds: "Yet."

"Oh yeah?” Yuto asks just as seriously. “When does it stop being yet?”

"I want to know that he's not just trying something out and realizes it's not his thing." Chinen admits after a moment of weighing his words, prepared for another lecture about trust, but Yuto just nods thoughtfully.

"Well, that's a valid concern, I suppose. Still, I think this has a lot more potential of working out than any of the girls he's liked before." Yuto says slowly, and Chinen waits for him to go on but he doesn't.

"Why?" He urges, feeling like he needs every supporting fact he can get going into this.

"Because he understands you much better." Yuto says seriously, then grins. "And if he doesn't I'll gladly help both of you understand each other."

Chinen rolls his eyes and shoves at Yuto's shoulder, telling him all he cares about is gossip, but thanks anyway.

"Keep us updated." Yuto says before he leaves a few hours later, and it goes without saying that us includes Keito, and Chinen promises to do so.

Chinen honestly has no idea what to expect would change between them with the decision to date. But when Yamada comes home late that afternoon and gives Chinen a hug and starts talking about what he did with his friends while urging Chinen to come help with dinner, he realizes that things are definitely changing.

Mostly it's Yamada who changes, because even if Chinen has a lot of urges to touch him or kiss him or say stupid things and demand his attention, he only acts on about a tenth of them. It's just a good thing they don't see each other during the days or Chinen wouldn't be able to do anything else than stare at Yamada and wonder if it'd be okay to do whatever his heart wants him to do right then.

Yamada is surprisingly affectionate, because Chinen had honestly expected him to be much more awkward about this than he is, and he's never been particularly cute to his girls. But Yamada kisses him good morning, brushes hair behind his ear, leans his head on Chinen's shoulder and decides from day one that sleeping in Chinen's bed is much better than sleeping in his own.

It's all so much more than Chinen ever thought he would get that he can hardly believe it, and every single time Yamada touches him, no matter how innocently, his chest feels fluttery and he can't keep from smiling stupidly. But there's also that thing that he should really have seen coming, and still never considered would ever apply to him.

The fact that Yamada is a hopeless flirt and that he's now using all of his teasing on Chinen. It would be okay if it came to some sort of conclusion, but it's really just teasing, insinuating comments and slutty smirks and small sighs and exposed skin and nothing gets anywhere. Chinen knows why it doesn't, knows that Yamada is nervous because all of this is new to him, can feel it in how he sometimes tenses or his eyes widen when Chinen touches him somewhere he's not prepared for, but the knowledge of why things are as they are can't still the hormones rushing through his veins like fire.

Because he wants Yamada, wants him so much that he dreams about it and he feels like the thought never leaves his mind. It's not like he can't focus on other things, not that he doesn't appreciate Yamada just being close because god he does, but he can't keep his body from reacting when Yamada does things like sitting down really close to him on the couch freshly showered and topless to watch a movie.

At first, he doesn't even consider bringing it up, but after it just goes on for days and soft kisses is all there is, he's starting to feel that if Yamada doesn't stop trying to make Chinen ravish him, it will inevitably happen before either of them wants it to.

And so he figures he needs to say something, he just doesn't know how to do it exactly to keep it from becoming awkward. But then they're sitting in the couch watching variety and eating popcorn, and when Yamada absently licks salt from his fingers while focusing on the TV, Chinen can't look away and his skin starts tingling, so he figures he'll just say it now.

"How do you think it's going?" He blurts out before he can change his mind, realizing it's completely out of context so when Yamada raises an eyebrow at him he's ready to explain. "Our relationship."

"Oh." Yamada's eyes widen almost comically, kind of like when he remembers he has homework due tomorrow, and Chinen can't keep from smiling. "Good? Right?"

"I think it's good too." Chinen agrees, and Yamada visibly relaxes. "Except that you're clearly trying to make me jump you ten times a day. I'm just not sure that's really what you want to accomplish?"

"Oh." Yamada repeats, this time sounding a little sheepish and he even blushes, pointedly looking at the popcorn bowl instead of Chinen. "Sorry. I... Sorry."

"It's okay, it's just... A little frustrating." Chinen admits, and Yamada still looks embarrassed, but there's a small smile on his lips that says exactly how much he likes hearing that. "So I figured maybe we should talk about it so we're on the same level?"

"I... Yeah." Yamada agrees and looks up at Chinen, cheeks still a little pink but his voice is clear, if a little incredulous. “I... I'm sorry, but I just can't get over that you think I'm attractive.”

Chinen raises an eyebrow because everyone ever finds Yamada attractive to some extent. "… What does that mean?"

Yamada shrugs a little uncomfortably.

"Uhm... You're one of my best friends, right? So I've never thought of how you look at me before, because you're a guy and why would you like to look at me? But now that I think about it, I don't think anyone has ever looked at me like you do.” Yamada pauses to glance up at Chinen under lashes and it's attractive as hell with his fading blush. “It's like you want to devour me and I... It's hot. I want you to look at me like that all the time. I guess it's a bit selfish.”

"It's okay." Chinen says automatically, feeling more than a little hot right now but he tries to keep his very interested mind from going in that direction. "It just leaves me in a bit of a difficult state when you come up to hug me half naked and then smile like nothing happened. I do have hormones you know."

Yamada's smile is a little guilty, but his eyes are intense and Chinen gets a feeling that this is frustrating for him too. "I'm sorry. I didn't think of it that way. You seem so calm no matter what I do.”

“Well, I'm not.” Chinen admits, and it's his turn to feel a little sheepish. “Just... Either let me touch you or turn down the sex-appeal a little bit, okay? It'll make things easier for now.”

Yamada looks searchingly at him for a long enough moment that Chinen wonders if he's missing something here.

“... Can I ask you something?” Yamada says then, and Chinen feels the suspicions come creeping.

“Sure?” He agrees, despite all the possibly horrible things Yamada could say right now rushing past at the back of his mind.

“How many boyfriends have you had?” Yamada asks, pulling his legs up in the couch to be able to comfortably turn and look straight at Chinen.

“Oh.” Chinen starts, because he wasn't expecting that, but he thinks he understands where this is going. “Two. If not exactly boyfriends but doing things anyway counts it would be three. Lasted a couple of months each.”

Yamada nods slowly. “Why didn't it work out?”

That question actually surprises Chinen a little, but he doesn't mind answering. “... Well, the first one... We were only sixteen and both were lonely and confused, so when we'd gotten over those feelings we didn't have much in common anymore. The second was one of those guys you always hear that you shouldn't fall for, but he was really pretty and always knew what to say and was really good in bed, so it happened anyway. But he was, of course, a douchebag and kept flirting with others and cared less and less, so we didn't really work out.”

Yamada's facial expression is interesting, looking disapproving but also like he can't quite understand, and he licks his lips before speaking. “... And after that?”

Chinen shrugs, not feeling nearly as ashamed of his dead love life as he used to do considering Yamada's reactions this far. “... The douchebag boyfriend was just before I started university. I comfort-slept with a guy when I realized I was in love with you. That's about it.”

Yamada looks almost traumatized at that comment, and Chinen has to smile joylessly at the irony, but he still feels the need to ask. “Are you making that face because my love life is non-existent or because you didn't want to hear that?”

“I... Really don't like hearing that.” Yamada says finally, but he's frowning, like he's trying to understand his feelings as he speaks.

“Now you know how I felt every day for a year.” Chinen mutters because he can't help himself.

“Yes but... I didn't know then, okay?” Yamada says and even though his expression turns guilty, he sounds a little irritated, but he doesn't seem too invested in arguing about that, focus elsewhere. “... How did you know you like boys?”

Chinen actually smiles despite how uncertain Yamada sounds, because he guessed it would come to this eventually.

“I fell in love with one. I wanted to touch him and him to touch me. And then it happened again. I've never felt any of that for a girl.” Chinen says simply, because that's all there is to it.

“So you've... You've never been with a girl?” Yamada asks, eyes wide like he can't wrap his head around that. Go figures.

“I tried once.” Chinen says, making a face at the very unpleasant memory. “But I couldn't do it.”

“... Huh.” Yamada gets out, seeming to consider that for a moment, but then looks up at Chinen, eyes determined like he's worked his way through whatever he's been thinking about until now. “I want to sleep with you.”

It takes Chinen by enough surprise that he has to swallow once before he can answer, uncertain where Yamada wants to get with that. “... Okay?”

“I've been... Worried about it.” Yamada admits, and Chinen nods for him to go on because he already knew that much. “But I'm sure that I want to do it. I just... I don't think I can do it just like that and... I...”

“We'll work up to it.” Chinen tells him, and Yamada looks relieved. “It's not like I expect you to go all the way just like that. Whatever you want to do I'm happy with. You just take the lead if that makes you more comfortable.”

“I... Maybe?” Yamada frowns. “Can I... Does that mean I can touch you?”

“You can touch me all you want. I'll touch you too if you want me to. Just let me know.” Chinen says, and for a moment he wonders if he said too much, but then Yamada smiles and leans forward enough to press their lips together gently, then again not quite as gently, and before Chinen knows it he's breathless.

After that talk, Chinen thinks that logically, his body should calm down, because it's finally getting some relief. Deep kisses that last forever and still not long enough, hands that are not so hesitant anymore slipping into his pants after the lights are out, curious lips on his neck and chest and his orgasms are somehow better than they've ever been just because Yamada is involved. But he's still as sensitive to anything suggestive Yamada does, almost feels like he reacts more than before, and it reminds him of when he'd first had a sexual experience and had wanted to do it again and again because it was so spectacular. But he's not sixteen anymore and he should be able to control himself better than this. The best comfort is that Yamada seems to feel something similar since he's more often the instigator than Chinen, and that's the biggest ego boost Chinen's had in his life.

It somehow shows, apparently, since Yuto tells him that he's happier these days while Keito just smiles. Yuto is like a gossipy housewife about the whole thing, asking about how they're doing and what they're doing and how far they've gotten, and Chinen tells him about how their relationship develops on a non-sexual level and that they're doing fine, and clearly Yamada tells him the rest because Yuto knows a lot of things that Chinen definitely didn't talk about.

He's not even surprised when Yuto suddenly hooks a finger in the neckline of his T-shirt and pulls it enough to the side to expose most of his shoulder and the little mark proudly sitting there, because he of all people know that Yamada has no feeling of decency in what he tells. He still slaps Yuto and calls him a pervert while Keito rolls his eyes and says that there is a thing called privacy. Yuto laughs, but then just smiles smugly.

The smugness probably has to do with the fact that he knows about them. Yamada's briefly mentioned his friends starting to become really persistent in trying to find out who the hell he's seeing since he doesn't want to say and it's been weeks, and Yuto and Keito confirms it.

“Some of them considered to start stalking him you know.” Yuto grins over his beer and Chinen rolls his eyes. “There are girls who are devastated that he looks so in love.”

“They wouldn't actually do it though.” Keito clarifies even though Chinen already knew that.

“They would get him wasted and steal his phone.” Yuto points out, and Keito opens his mouth to protest, but then nods like he has a point. “Yeah I guess they would do that.”

“As far as I know there's nothing incriminating in it, I'm okay.” Chinen shrugs, mostly focused on his food, even if he feels a bit smug about the whole thing himself.

“But they will find out eventually.” Keito says, and it's his serious tone that makes Chinen look up.

“... I suppose?” Chinen agrees, raising an eyebrow because he has his suspicions where Keito's going with this.

“... Are you okay with that?” Yuto asks, and Chinen looks between them for a moment when he gets it, then shrugs.

“Actually, I'm starting to be? I mean, he's not exactly showing any tendencies of walking out on me.” Chinen says after a while, thinking that Yamada even took him out on a real shopping date and paid for everything, and as far as Chinen knows, he's never done that for a girl. They had fun and Yamada made Chinen buy clothes he never would, but then had to accept that they looked kind of good.

“Well. Then cheers to that.” Keito's smile is genuine as he raises his beer and Chinen can't help but smile back.

“Oh, speaking of cheers!” Yuto says suddenly, and Chinen tilts his head. “A party!”

And Chinen rolls his eyes and returns to his food.

“No no, it'll be fun, don't be like that.” Yuto scolds. “We are going out, yes, but it's Daiki's birthday and he said we should bring you.”

Chinen pauses with a piece of pork halfway to his mouth and looks at Yuto for a moment. He knows who Daiki is, of course he does, it's like he second-hand knows him since Yamada talks about him constantly, but he's only met him twice. That time he came along out, and once for five minutes when they met in the door as Chinen came home and Daiki was leaving. So he's a little surprised to be specifically invited. “... He asked for me?”

“Yeah of course, don't you think he wants to get to know the guy who has completely fucked up his best friend? Almost literally.” Yuto grins, and Chinen asks Keito to slap him, which he happily does. “Ouch!”

“... When is this?” Chinen asks, because he feels a little flattered but very nervous.

“Next Saturday.” Keito says, and Chinen makes a note in his phone saying he'll think about it.

It's almost ironic that Yamada brings up the same thing the following day, just in a different way.

“You should come out next Saturday. It's Daiki's birthday.” He looks up from his school papers to say while Chinen's putting clean dishes back in their cupboards.

“Oh?” Chinen acknowledges, a little interested to hear Yamada's version of it before he admits Yuto already told him.

“He said you should come, he wants to properly meet you. To the point where he said I can't come if I don't bring you. I've tried to make it happen earlier but it hasn't worked yet.” Yamada says, and his voice is coaxing like he's certain Chinen will say no. “And I really want you to come.”

Chinen turns around to look at his serious expression, and he can't help but smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You still haven't danced with me.” Yamada tells him, and Chinen breathes a laugh.

“I hope you realize I purposely didn't dance with you because I was 99% certain I'd end up with a hard-on.” Chinen admits, and Yamada's eyes widen like he didn't even consider that and Chinen affectionately thinks that Yamada's not very smart sometimes.

Then his expression changes, a glitter in his eyes as he tilts his head and Chinen knows there's no saying no now. “Well, I'd be okay with it if it happened now? Please come?”

Chinen smiles but sighs because this thing about saying no to Yamada is something he should be practising. “I guess I have to, don't I?”

 

~*~

 

Chinen always confused him. When Yamada first met him, at a café to see if Chinen was someone he could imagine living with, he'd thought he was shy, one of those good boys he never really crossed ways with. But he'd figured it was Yuto's friend and it wasn't like Chinen seemed difficult, so why not.

Then he moved in and he turned out to be a bit different than Yamada initially stereotyped him. He wasn't super neat and could easily tell Yamada off if he needed to, and even though he spent a lot of time alone in his room with school work, he clearly didn't mind sitting down for dinner together and chat and get lowkey drunk on week nights. Not that he was too talkative in the beginning. Yamada remembers wondering for how long Chinen could let it be silent before he got uncomfortable, but the limit didn't appear to exist. But he'd figured that if they lived together, there was no point in trying to impress so he just went about life like he did with his closest friends, and just like that, Chinen was one of them.

He still doesn't understand how it happened, since they're so different. He always thought Chinen was boring for staying in every night, couldn't understand how someone could not enjoy being out and living life and feeling young, then eventually started wondering if he'd had some kind of girl trauma since he kept making faces or just plainly looked disinterested when Yamada used the girl argument. How he didn't even consider Chinen simply not liking girls is beyond him, but Yamada doesn't know anyone else who doesn't.

When he thinks back, Yamada can kind of remember times when Chinen was very obviously not into women, if you already knew it. How they'd watched some movie and all Chinen commented was the clothes while Yamada was gushing about her body, how Chinen seemed completely disinterested in the questionable magazines Yamada accidentally left lying about, and how he'd always speak of girls in the scenario of them being friends and nothing else. There was also that time Yamada brought friends home and Chinen joined them eating and he kept fixing his eyes on Takaki, which Yamada just figured was that Chinen thought Takaki said stupid things because that's what Takaki does and Chinen's smart, but now he's pretty sure Chinen thought he was hot. Which makes him want to never bring Takaki home again.

Then there was that night. When he just didn't expect Chinen to leave his room because he never usually did, and besides, it was a bit thrilling knowing he could come out. He figured it didn't matter much anyway, they were both guys. And so he never expected Chinen to lash out so hard, and that had made him even more pissed when he scared the girl (Mika? Miki? Something like that) away with his choice of words.

And then, his life was turned upside down. Because looking down at Chinen with half-closed eyes and lips stretched around his dick was so fucking hot he couldn't erase the picture from his mind even weeks later, was kept awake tossing and turning with burning skin at the image of it and he'd never felt guilty jerking off while thinking about a friend before. He'd also never jerked off thinking about a male friend before, and it made him feel completely thrown off, uncertain what was happening to him. The quest of a new pretty girl who'd do almost anything for him didn't seem quite as appealing, his mind busy trying to figure this out, trying to think if he could possibly like men without knowing. But when he tried looking at Yuto or Daiki like that, or some stranger his girl friends were gushing about being hot, the whole idea of a male body just came off disgusting and he felt like cringing.

But then there was Chinen. Delicate, short Chinen with the dancer muscles and quiet voice, and Yamada found himself unable to take his eyes off him. He felt drawn to him, as if Chinen could help him figure himself out without actively doing anything. And he found himself saying provoking things just to see Chinen react, see those normally calm dark eyes flash black with emotions that he couldn't sort out, if it was annoyance or jealously or anger, and he kept trying just to maybe see it clearly once. But he kept being distracted, distracted by things like how Chinen tucked his hair behind his ear, how his shoulder blades flexed when he reached for a coffee cup from the cupboard, and he found himself wanting to touch him in a way he'd never felt for any man before.

Yamada's always lived after his desires, making sure he got what he wanted when he wanted something, but this was different, because Chinen was one of his best friends. And he realized first then that he had no idea if that encounter could have just been Chinen playing with him, if Chinen liked him, if that was just casual for him, and he didn't dare saying anything. It felt pathetic, because he can't even remember the last time he didn't dare approach someone he was attracted to, but this was so different.

Then Chinen showed up with Yuto that night out, and Yamada couldn't believe his eyes, hearing in his head all the excuses Chinen had ever told him for not coming along, and here Yuto was with a smiling Chinen and that was just unfair. At least he collected him rather quickly, but apparently, he didn't pay enough attention, because suddenly Sayuri had snatched him away to dance with. She's pretty, and Yamada was so certain she'd take Chinen home and he'd never ever felt such a violent surge of ugly feelings before. He'd watched them discreetly at first, watched Chinen's body moving so effortlessly it didn't even seem like he was trying, making everyone around him seem jerky and clumsy while he was fluent, delicate, and his face. Yamada knew Chinen danced, but he'd never seen it and his face was so beautiful with the perfect relaxation, parted lips and low eyelids as he seemed to get lost in himself and in the end Yamada found himself staring like a complete creep. Then Sayuri pushed closer until they were flush together, hips meeting and faces so close, and Yamada felt like his brain had a blackout, rising before he knew it to make them fucking stop. She didn't deserve to go home with Chinen, she didn't deserve that graceful body, soft voice and perfect mouth, nobody freaking deserved it.

Yamada couldn't shake it for the rest of the night, that darkness clawing at all of his blood vessels and he felt it spiking up again as soon as anyone even got near Chinen. So he decided to call it a night and make sure Chinen came back home with him and nobody else.

He found himself talking there in the kitchen before he was okay with it himself. But when Chinen said out loud that he fantasized about Yamada throwing him down and fucking him senseless, Yamada's whole body sparked with the heat he felt, and he couldn't think of anything besides what it'd be like, what Chinen would look like ravished and lost in pleasure, and he felt himself growing hard at just the thought. He was scared. Really scared, because he still couldn't wrap his head around that he wanted to be with a man, since no other man appealed to him even the slightest. Thinking about having sex with a man grossed him out, but thinking about having sex with Chinen had his skin burning and blood rushing, and he couldn't figure out the difference because Chinen was still a man.

Angles and no boobs and abs and broad shoulders and an erection that felt so strange but still so good against him.

Yamada could feel how much Chinen wanted him then, and he would have wondered how he could possibly miss it if he could think at all with Chinen's hand in his hair and lips on his skin and he almost came in his pants when Chinen sucked a violent hickey into his skin. He'd been with all sorts of girls, rough and gentle and anything he wanted them to be, but nobody had touched him like Chinen, had completely dominated him without even trying and Yamada was so willing to let him, let him have anything he wanted. He forgot to be scared with Chinen touching him.

He felt like the worst person ever once he was sober and awake enough to realize how difficult this whole thing was for Chinen. Ironically it struck him when he got up the next morning and looked at the aggressive hickey on his neck, running fingers over it and feeling it ache, and he thought that if this was how much Chinen wanted him, had wanted him for so long, he would have gone insane not doing anything about it himself. But at the same time, he knew very well that there was no way he'd have even considered accepting Chinen's feelings before that blowjob happened. He wasn't gay.

That was also a strange thing. Normally, knowing someone was in love with him would make Yamada shy away immediately, brutally uncomfortable with the whole idea of it. He just never really felt the same, and even when he'd been in love, he'd always felt like she was more about him than he was about her and it was just awkward.

But with Chinen, he was okay with that, it almost felt reassuring that Chinen already liked him since long, like he wouldn't be dumped immediately if he made mistakes. And that embrace the morning after they fell asleep together again, when Chinen just wrapped arms around his waist from behind and sighed like Yamada was the only thing keeping him sane, that made Yamada feel a lot of things he didn't expect.

And so he kept trying, testing out things that he felt the urge to do, almost waiting for something to feel strange and awkward, but it just didn't and so he kept going further.

Then Chinen confronted him about it, and Yamada felt like he was caught playing with toys that wasn't his, realizing that he had no right to leave sexual innuendos everywhere when Chinen already wanted him so much. It was both flattering and unnerving knowing that Chinen would let Yamada have him whenever he felt ready, would let Yamada do as much as he felt comfortable with, and it made him feel even more things towards Chinen that he never could have imagined, gratitude and affection and all kinds of mushy things.

When Chinen finally told the story about his love life, that Yamada had been dying to hear since he moved in, he couldn't entirely understand his own reactions, again surprised by the vehement jealousy he felt hearing about someone else, the pang of horror when Chinen said someone had been good in bed, and he had to focus to breathe calmly. The feeling of inadequacy was another new thing, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as worries of not being good enough tore at him.

It took him a while to talk to Daiki about this whole mess, but Daiki already knew there was one, of course. He was helpful, in a way, because he demanded to meet Chinen before saying anything, reminding Yamada neither of them could properly date without the others approval. He also said that if Yamada backed out on sex no matter who it was with he was a loser, which made Yamada hit him with a book and they ended up in a wrestling match on the floor that Yamada won and Daiki had to take it back.

“But you're sure you want him, are you?” Daiki asks as they lie on the floor because none of them would bother to get up again.

“Eh, yes.” Yamada sighs because that much he's clear about.

“Much?” He hears Daiki's raised eyebrow even though he's staring at the ceiling.

“I kind of want to pin him down and make him see stars.” Yamada admits, and for some reason his body decides to blush even though he's said much filthier things to Daiki about girls. “You know, peel away all that reason and logic and just make him feel for once.”

He rolls over onto his stomach when Daiki doesn't immediately answer to look at his expression, but it's not that judging, mostly serious. “You are aware you're using the pronouns he and him here, right?”

“Yes.” Yamada groans and drops his head into his arms, forehead leaning on the carpet.

“And you're okay with that? Even though you know where boys put their stuff?” Daiki asks, and the pointed accompanied slap to Yamada's ass makes him yelp and look up to glare at Daiki because he tries not to think about that part.

“Well I...” He trails off with a sigh. “I'm kind of scared. But I guess I am okay with it, I really want him after all?”

Daiki makes a face like what Yamada says is impressive, and when he speaks his tone is casual. “That sounds really gay.”

“Don't say the word, I'm not there yet.” Yamada mutters, sending Daiki a glare before letting his head fall back onto the carpet.

“I know lots of other words for it?” Daiki suggests helpfully, and Yamada reaches out to blindly slap him, pretty sure he hits his ribs since Daiki just laughs. “It's okay that you're gay you know. It's even kind of hilarious considering all the beautiful girls who want you, and then you go and get all hot and bothered over your tiny male room mate.”

“That's just it though, isn't it?” Yamada looks up because that's what he's thinking but never dared speaking, and Daiki looks a little wary but waits for him to elaborate. “What if I'm not really gay, I don't want any other boy than him, I find the whole idea gross. What if I'm just sick of all the pretty girls and I'll get sick of him too when I can finally have him?”

Daiki eyes him seriously for a moment, then turns his head to look up at the ceiling with a calm expression. “You won't. Not with the way you're fuzzing over him, I've never heard you like this. You like him, I promise. And does it matter what sexuality you have as long as you're happy with it?”

And just like that, Yamada feels better. “Thanks. You're the best.”

“Feel free to buy me video games as payment for my splendid life advice.” Daiki grins, and Yamada shoves at him but can't keep from smiling back. “Besides, he's not your boyfriend until I've met him, so technically you're not even dating yet.”

 

~*~

 

When Daiki's birthday comes, Chinen has no idea what the plan for the night is, but he knows that food and alcohol is involved so he figures it'll work itself out. He also has absolutely no idea what to wear, but takes pleasure in seeing Yamada's eyes light up as he asks him for advice. He expects Yamada to have a look at what he has, but Yamada barely glances at his full wardrobe, instead goes through shirts and pants like he's looking for something he knows is there, and in the end gives Chinen a set of clothes and no other options. It's a pair of dark, rather tight pants and a dark burgundy top that's a little draped and Chinen almost never wears because he doesn't think it's his style, so he's surprised that Yamada so specifically chose it. He doesn't comment on it though, just puts the clothes on and even styles his hair while waiting for Yamada.

Yamada's wearing jeans and one of those long sleeved T-shirts with a wide neckline that Chinen would normally avoid looking at him in because it looks so good, and he gives Yamada a long look, wondering if he somehow knows that. But Yamada doesn't seem smug at all when asking Chinen if he looks okay, and Chinen figures it's just a coincidence and he'll have to try not to look at Yamada too much.

The first thing they're doing is going out to eat, and they were supposed to meet at 7 and it's already 6:40 when they leave the house, but Yamada just brushes it off, saying Daiki won't mind. Apparently they have a favourite restaurant they go to and there won't be too many people there, which surprisingly makes Chinen more nervous than if there had been a crowd.

“I feel a bit like I'm meeting your parents.” Chinen admits as he sees the restaurant before them, and Yamada blinks once before he laughs.

“What, that's ridiculous. You've already met half of them and they liked you, so relax okay?” Yamada says, and it's actually surprisingly helpful. “Not like the plan is for them to assess you either, they don't even know about us.”

“I guess.” Chinen agrees, feeling a little better, and when they step inside and easily find their group, Chinen does recognize some faces. He knows one guy besides Yuto and Keito, and he spoke to one girl last time and knows another by her looks. They're last, of course, since it's already a quarter past the settled time.

“Look who finally managed to drag himself here!” Daiki calls when he spots Yamada, who just sticks his tongue out at him and sits down like he didn't even hear that, and Chinen figures he'll just not comment.

Thankfully there's only one seat left so Chinen doesn't have to do any choosing, but it's between Yamada and Daiki, which almost feels a little awkward since he's the newcomer in this group and he expected to sit furthest out and not talk too much.

“Hi.” Daiki says with a small grin when Chinen sits down, handing him a menu.

“Hi.” Chinen replies, then smiles as he accepts it. “Happy birthday.”

The dinner is much easier than Chinen thought it would be. Daiki is so easy to talk to, and even though it's his birthday party, he spends a lot of his time talking to Chinen. Keito sits opposite them and a nice girl next to him who participate in the conversation to and from, and Chinen has to admit that it feels safe to have Keito nearby in case he'd say something stupid. After a little while though, it's clear that Daiki knows as much about Chinen as Chinen does about him, and so it feels like they've known each other forever.

Yamada is busy being bullied by his friends on Chinen's other side and he's slowly but steadily getting a few strong drinks in him, which Chinen becomes very aware of when gentle fingertips absently find his thigh under the table. It's fine at first, but after a little while those fingers start approaching the inside of his thigh, drawing slow circles and the friction it creates through Chinen's jeans is definitely not good here and now.

He carefully reaches down to take a hold of Yamada's wrist and move his hand away, being very discreet about it, but Yamada stops in the middle of saying something and turns to Chinen and it's not discreet at all.

“... What?” Chinen asks when Yamada just looks at him for a long moment, and he tries really hard not to blush because the three people Yamada was talking to are also looking at him.

“... Nothing.” Yamada finally says, smiling and turning back to his friends as he withdraws his hand and Chinen exhales in relief, turning back only to find Keito grinning knowingly at him.

“What's so funny?” Chinen mutters, because he feels the blush creeping onto his cheeks as if it's an afterthought from his body, but Keito just shrugs and continues their conversation about sports.

It doesn't take very long after that incident for Yamada to lure Chinen into his conversation instead, asking if he can try his drink because it looks good, and someone else agrees and so they start talking about drinks.

Chinen feels surprisingly included, because honestly he's not used to having people listening to what he has to say when he doesn't know them. Probably because he normally doesn't talk much at all, but now Yamada coaxes him into it by asking things or referring to him.

They finish their food and there's cake and more drinks, and Chinen feels the alcohol starting to slowly get to him, but he's definitely less affected than some, including Yamada and Daiki, who are both giggling with pink cheeks already.

“Dai-chan~” Yamada leans across Chinen to paw at Daiki's shoulder for attention a while after they finished the last of dessert. “Weren't we going dancing?”

“Yes!” Yuto agrees from a little further away, and Chinen grins while trying not to look at Yamada's dazzling smile 10 centimetres from his face.

It takes them a while to get going since they're ten people in various states of drunk, but when they finally make it outside, the air feels refreshing and Chinen thinks that he can actually imagine going dancing. Normally he just wants to go home at this point.

Yuto drapes himself over Chinen's shoulders as soon as they start walking and he's heavy, but it's probably for the best because Chinen has a feeling that he shouldn't walk next to Yamada right now if they're still officially just friends.

“You're so cute together!” Yuto says very loudly since the distance from Yuto's mouth to Chinen's ear is much shorter in this position than it normally is.

“Don't shout in my ear!” Chinen whines, making an attempt to slap Yuto's head. “Also, what?”

“You and Yama-chan. You look really good together.” Yuto explains even though it doesn't help Chinen understand any better, but at least he's lowered his voice.

“... We didn't do anything?” Chinen frowns, his heart beating a little faster even though he's far from drunk enough to start forgetting things and he knows that there was only friendly interaction happening.

“You were laughing and sitting close and it was nice.” Yuto says, and Chinen considers trying to make him explain it so he can understand, but he gives up and decides that Yuto's just drunk and doesn't make real sense now no matter what.

“Thanks, I guess?” He says instead, and Yuto lets go of him with a grin.

“You're welcome.” He smiles, and Chinen starts talking about the food they had instead because Yuto's smile is almost the same as when he's about to ask for intimate details on something, and he's not ready for that right now.

The club is loud and smoky, with flashing lights and not much air since it's so crowded, and Chinen hopes there's somewhere he can sit down for a while and have some more alcohol if he's meant to dance to this electro beat.

Yuto drags him along determinedly, clearly with a goal in mind, and it turns out to be a big table by the wall where everyone seems to know everyone and Chinen recognizes a girl from last time, the one with the annoying laugh.

There are loud greetings as the table occupants successively notice Yuto, and Chinen figures these are the friends not close enough to come for the dinner, but enough to join the party afterwards. Yuto greets them back and grins as he points towards the bar with raised eyebrows because there's no way he can make himself heard across the whole table anyway.

“Come on, we're buying alcohol!” Yuto clarifies and grabs Chinen's wrist as a few of the seated ones get up to come along, and Chinen doesn't have much choice besides following him to the bar.

He feels a little lost, having no idea where everyone besides Yuto went and he's just starting to feel uncomfortable and left out when there's a small hand on his shoulder.

“Hey!” Yamada says loud enough to be heard over the music, pushing past Daiki to get closer to Chinen.“Don't let Yuto drag you away like that. I'll buy you something, what do you want?”

Chinen shrugs but can't help his small relieved smile at learning that Yamada was looking for him. It makes him feel wanted here and that's enough for him to be okay with staying for a while. He's just about to tell Yamada to just pick something when Daiki leans over Yamada's shoulder with a wide grin. “Birthday shots!”

“Birthday shots!” Yamada agrees happily, and his smile is so brilliant and his hand finds the small of Chinen's back almost subconsciously, and Chinen doesn't find it in him to say no.

They get shots after a few confused moments of counting heads and ordering, in the end there's seven of them, and they toast to Daiki's birthday being one he can't remember tomorrow, which if Chinen is to judge applies to more people than just Daiki right now.

“Come on, let's go dancing!” A girl with long curls who sat at the table calls, and since Daiki agrees, the others do to.

“I'll just... Buy something and sit down for a while.” Chinen says when Yuto tries to drag him along, and Yamada pauses like he's not sure whether he should stay or not. “I'll be fine, go on.”

“But you have to dance with me.” Yamada insists, and Chinen smiles because it's a little sweet how Yamada is so persistent about it.

“I will. Later. Okay?” Chinen assures him, and Yamada seems to accept it.

“I'll come get you.” He says sternly and Chinen rolls his eyes but smiles, secretly happy about being looked after because this club is way more out of his comfort zone than the one when he followed Yuto and Keito out.

There's a girl from the restaurant who's not going dancing either since she's complaining about her heels, Rena is her name, and she asks if he wants to get girly drinks, so Chinen shrugs and says why not. She's nice and friendly, and Chinen's happy she's with him when they return to the table because he doesn't know anyone there and she seems to know everyone.

She hugs a girl that appears to be one of her best friends, then introduces Chinen as Yamada's friend, which seems to be the keyword since everyone nods in recognition and smiles at him.

Rena squeezes in next to the girl she hugged, and Chinen wonders where he should sit for a couple seconds before a girl at the corner waves at him that there's a free seat. She has long fake-lashes and fluffy hair and looks like the type Chinen never talks to, but she leans forward with a smile almost immediately after he sat down opposite her. “Hi. I'm Misaki.”

Chinen politely greets her and the girl next to her, who seems too drunk to be really in it and Chinen's a bit concerned for her even though she introduces herself properly.

“Are you close with Ryosuke?” Misaki asks, and Chinen's a little surprised that she calls him by his first name because he's never heard Yamada talk about this girl before.

“We live together.” He says, figuring it's the safest answer, and her eyes widen.

“Really?! I've heard he has a flatmate, so that's you? You must know him really well then.” She smiles like he just told her a juicy secret, and Chinen gets a feeling that he's not going to like this girl.

“I guess.” He smiles, hoping she stops talking to him if he's no fun.

Then he feels a hand on his shoulder and he looks up to see Keito squeezing in next to him with a beer in hand. “Hi! I heard you weren't dancing either so I figured I'd hang out with you instead of getting humped by sweaty people.”

“Please do.” Chinen says with a laugh, and he feels his entire body relax at seeing the familiar face, almost ready to thank destiny for so clearly telling him to stay a bit longer.

“Hi Keito.” Misaki says, and Keito says hi back, but Chinen can tell from the somewhat stiff greetings that they don't like each other.

The conversation still runs smoothly, another guy having followed Keito and it lightens the mood, but as soon as Keito talks directly to his other friend, Misaki takes the opportunity to lean over the table and ask Chinen things about Yamada. It makes him feel more than a little uncomfortable, the way she talks about Yamada like he's some kind of celebrity. He can't pinpoint what it is that doesn't feel good, she doesn't ask anything he can refuse to answer, but the questions are still bordering too private and he doesn't like it.

“Do you know if he has a girlfriend right now?” She asks with a tilt of her head, probably going for cute but Chinen just finds it disturbing.

“He doesn't have a girlfriend.” Is all he can answer because that question is awkward in more ways than one, but it makes Misaki smile widely.

“Hey, Chi, have you seen this?” Keito asks suddenly, holding his phone out for Chinen to see, and he raises an eyebrow but looks at the screen. He expected something funny on the internet, but there's an open note and he immediately understands why. They kissed once and he's turned her down, but she won't get over the idea of them getting together. He normally tells us to talk shit about him when she asks something.

“Oh.” Chinen says, even though he feels even more uncomfortable reading it and he can't help but think that Yamada doesn't even have a taste level. “No, I hadn't.”

The conversation is definitely more awkward after that, until the drunk girl leaves Misaki's side and one of the guys from the restaurant sits down instead. He steers the conversation topics to other things, effectively keeping Misaki from talking much at all, and Chinen would even say he's having fun after that.

He should have known it was coming when Misaki suddenly starts fixing her hair intensely, eyes locked somewhere behind Chinen, but he's still surprised when hands find his shoulders from behind. He expects them to rest there, but they gently trail over his collarbones to clasp over his sternum and nothing about it is platonic as he feels warm breath against his temple.

“Hi.” Yamada's voice is low as his lips brush the shell of Chinen's ear and he can feel him smiling.

“Hi.” Chinen replies, raising his hands to cover Yamada's and leans into his touch because obviously Yamada doesn't care if anyone figures it out now and then Chinen doesn't either. Besides, he's been craving to wipe that content smile off Misaki's face for the past fifteen minutes and this should do it. “How drunk are you exactly?”

“Just enough.” Yamada says, not speaking directly into Chinen's ear anymore and it's apparently audible enough for Keito because he laughs. “You should finish your drink and come dance with me.”

Chinen glances down at his half full glass, but he's not that interested in having more of it. It wasn't very good anyway, way too sweet for his taste. “I don't think I want it.”

“Good, then come on.” Yamada almost purrs, and Chinen inhales sharply when those fingertips brush a nipple as they retreat and he's sure Yamada did it on purpose.

Chinen looks up at Misaki as he rises from his seat, and he doesn't stop the smile from spreading on his lips at her expression of absolute horror, getting urges to pull Yamada into a heated kiss right here just to prove a point.

“Keito, are you coming?” Yamada asks as Chinen stands up, and Keito shrugs and does the same, also sending Misaki a small smug smile as he follows them.

 

~*~

 

Yamada takes Chinen's hand as soon as he's standing up, lacing their fingers together to guide him along, as far away from her as they can get. His heart is beating hard in his chest, but he's not sure if it's from adrenaline at practically coming out or at finally making sure Misaki got the message.

He almost spilled his beer over a girl when Yuto leaned in to let him know she was here and he'd seen Chinen talking to her, because he didn't expect her to be. Daiki definitely didn't invite her.

She gives him the creeps, and he still scolds himself for the lapse of judgement that night at a shady club when he leaned in to kiss her, but he couldn't know she'd be such a stalker and never give up on him. He doesn't want anyone he cares for near her.

He hadn't intended showing off like that, definitely not without Chinen's consent, but the way she smiled at Chinen like he was a gold mine of information made him furious and he wanted to slap her straight across her well contoured face even if he's never hit a girl before. But he realized he could channel his energy in a better way.

It felt good, wrapping his arms around Chinen and feeling his warmth through his shirt, smelling his hair underneath all the club and smoke and even if his intention was to just do that, his hands started wandering on their own, forgetting there was another purpose than simply being close. And Chinen didn't seem to mind, hands coming up to his and head tilting towards him, so he figured it was alright. He pointedly didn't even glance Misaki's direction, even if he'd have loved to see her face when he practically seduced a boy before her eyes, he figured it was best to just pretend she didn't even exist.

He pushes his way through the crowd to where he left the rest of his friends, navigating by Yuto because he's tall enough to be easily spotted, firmly holding on to Chinen to make sure he's still there. When they get there, Yuto grins knowingly at him, but Yamada just nods behind him towards Keito, and Yuto lights up and pushes past to presumably grab him. Yamada doesn't care too much about any of that right now.

He turns to Chinen, carefully detangling their fingers in order to lay his arms over Chinen's shoulders and keep them to themselves. Chinen looks back at him with dark eyes, expressiion a little confused but not opposed, that heated look that Yamada can't get enough of glowing in his eyes. He's felt it on him all evening whenever Chinen thinks he's not looking, and Chinen has pointedly avoided being too close or alone with him all evening, and Yamada doesn't know why. He was a little hesitant back there at the bar, wondering if Chinen really had fun or just wanted to go home, if he even wanted to be here with Yamada right now.

But seeing that look, his concerns are washed away and he leans in close to Chinen's ear to be able to make himself heard.

“Sorry if we weren't ready to be official.” He apologizes, because he knows Misaki's definitely going to let people know about this. “But she's crazy so I had to do something. Besides, you're really hot in this shirt so you can't blame me if I got carried away.”

The last part just slips out but it's true, and he pointedly pulls a little at the warm fabric covering Chinen's shoulders since his hands are already there. He can't for his life understand why Chinen never wears this shirt, Yamada thought it looked good from the first time he saw it, accentuating Chinen's shoulders and arms with the drape and the neckline is just wide enough to be sexy but not slutty. And now, when he just wants to pull Chinen close and do what he pleases with him, it just makes him even more tempting.

He feels a shaky breath in his hair and he wonders what happened, but then Chinen's arms reach out to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer and he doesn't mind one bit.

“... Thanks.” Chinen says so softly Yamada almost doesn't hear it, but the rest of his words are clear, a biting tone of jealousy underneath that makes Yamada shiver. “I wanted to slap her when she kept saying your first name like she'd known you forever.”

“You should have.” Yamada grins at how he thought the same thing but for a different reason, but he's very distracted by how Chinen's words seem to physically touch his skin with how affected he feels by them, and he's never liked partners getting possessive over him before.

“I also wanted to pull you down and kiss you breathless in front of her to wipe that smile off her face.” Chinen goes on, and Yamada's shudder surprises even himself because normally this kind of talk is such a turn off for him.

But there's something different about Chinen's choice of words, it's not you're only mine or why do you know her or have you been dating, none of the accusing that has always accompanied jealousy before. It's a jealousy that says Chinen wants to keep Yamada all to himself, but without trying to claim him as his property, and that small nuance of difference apparently works miracles on Yamada's hormones because he kind of wants to drag Chinen away to push him against a wall and make out.

“You know...” He starts, curious as to what could happen if he voices those thoughts. “I've never liked people getting possessive over me but when you get jealous it's so freaking hot.”

It takes a moment, and Yamada almost starts worrying he said the wrong thing, but then the hands on his waist tighten a little, like Chinen wants to pull him closer but actively holds back, and there's a small frustrated sound. “If you could stop seducing me in public that'd be great.”

Yamada grins at the butterflies of anticipation fluttering around in his stomach, the thrill of pushing it just that bit further something he's never been able to resist.

“Then why don't you stop me?” He asks as innocently as he can, licking his lips as he waits for Chinen's reaction to it.

It comes in the form of a hand moving up to cup his face, guiding him back enough for them to look at each other, and Yamada loses his breath under those intense eyes that tells him Chinen wants to do a whole lot more to him than make out.

Then those eyes fall closed and Yamada gets a single breath in before Chinen's leaned in to forcefully press their lips together, the hand on Yamada's jaw moving to the back of his neck and the one on his waist pulling him closer, making Yamada's head spin before lips even part. Chinen's kiss tastes like girly drinks and desire, like he's wanted to do nothing but kiss Yamada all night and it's so hot, Yamada's body way too in tune with this turn of events to be good on a public dance floor. Still, his arms tighten around Chinen's neck, pressing closer against him and he tastes a small sound against his lips that sends heat all over his skin.

“Nonono! No!” There's suddenly a loud voice in his ear and a firm hand on his shoulder pushing him back, and Yamada's glaring even before he opens his eyes and turns to Yuto and feels Chinen pulling back and hands falling from Yamada's body. “Foreplay is for the bedroom!”

“Like you would know!” Yamada bites at him because Yuto humping some girl on the dance floor is not an uncommon sight, but Yuto just grins at him and lets go of his shoulder, turning to Chinen instead.

It feels surprisingly good to see Chinen's expression just as frustrated as Yamada feels, cheeks pink and lips parted to release quick breaths, and Yamada wants to go home just about now.

“For now, you have to share!” Yuto calls, and his hand on Chinen's shoulder trails down his arm to grab his wrist and pull him along to the other side of their friend group, and Yamada frowns because he doesn't want to share, especially not now. But then there's a hand on his own arm pulling at his sleeve so hard his neckline almost goes over his shoulder and it's definitely Daiki.

“Scandalous!” Daiki calls in his ear, laughing and definitely wasted, and Yamada just shoves at him, figuring he can dance with Daiki for a while too.

But his eyes keep darting over to Chinen and Yuto, and he wonders what the hell Yuto's playing at because his hands are on Chinen's body in places they shouldn't be, in ways they shouldn't be, but it's still not inappropriate enough for Chinen to do anything but laugh and play along. Yamada's gaze lingers on Chinen's body, on how he moves and smiles and his hands itches to touch him, to brush his hair from his face, to make him smile like that for him.

Apparently some of his feelings show on his face, because when Chinen glances his way his eyes widen a little in surprise, but he still smiles and turns back to Yuto, smoothly turning him around towards Keito, and Yuto happily goes about sexually harassing him instead.

Chinen's smile is inviting as he makes eyecontact with Yamada again, and it doesn't take more for Yamada to get to him, stepping right into Chinen's personal space and Chinen lets him.

“Wanna go home?” He leans in to ask, way too interested in all the other things they could do to care about that technically Chinen still hasn't danced with him, and Chinen's hands easily come up to rest on Yamada's hips as he laughs softly.

“Kind of. Since like three hours.”

“Good, then let's go.” Yamada settles, only feeling a little bit guilty about not asking earlier since he's busy feeling turned on.

They say goodbye to their friends, and Yamada gets about ten hugs and Chinen a couple just while they're at it, but Yamada pointedly doesn't hug Yuto even though Chinen does, because he's immature and jealous.

“Ryosuke!” Daiki calls when he seems to think Yamada is about to miss him, grabbing Yamada's arm and pulling him into a tight force hug that's not all angles right but it still works. “I love you man. And I approve of your boyfriend.”

“I love you too. Thanks.” Yamada grins, and Daiki lets go of him to keep the hug from getting gay, ruffling his hair and Yamada gets busy trying to fix it again.

“Hey Chinen!” Daiki calls then, and Chinen's definitely surprised at being addressed like that, and Yamada's a little worried of what might come out of Daiki's mouth right now. “Let's go out sometime just you and me. I have all kinds of shit to tell you about this guy. And if he's stupid let me know and I'll kick his ass okay? You know, he's-”

“Thanks Daiki!” Yamada cuts him off because it's starting to sound dangerous, then grabs Chinen's other arm and tugs him away from Daiki, starting to navigate his way off the dancefloor. “Happy birthday again, get laid!”

“Thanks, you too!” He briefly hears Daiki call behind them, and he hopes Chinen didn't hear those words because he didn't think about how awkward they became right now. It's just something they usually say.

It's a relief when they reach the wardrobe, the sound levels finally lowering and Yamada takes a deep breath of fresher air.

“Well, at least he's trashed.” Yamada says with a grin as he shrugs into his jacket, watching Chinen slip arms into his own. “My work is done.”

“He's definitely trashed.” Chinen agrees a little warily, zipping up his own jacket and follows Yamada towards the exit. “You never worry he's not gonna make it home?”

“Nah.” Yamada smiles as they get outside, because Daiki's a big boy even though he might not always seem like it. Besides, Chinen's concern is kind of cute. “He's done it this far. And it's his birthday. Someone's gonna follow him home.”

While he's talking, he reaches for Chinen's hand, easily lacing their fingers together because he liked how it felt before, and he wants to be close. Chinen's eyes widen before darting down to look at their hands for a long while, but he doesn't say anything.

“... This is okay right?” Yamada asks after a moment of silence, because Chinen's lack of response makes him a little wary. But Chinen just raises an eyebrow at him like he's completely retarded, and there's a faint blush on his cheeks that Yamada can't figure out what feeling it represents.

“... I said you could touch me all you wanted, right?” He asks calmly, and Yamada bites his lip to keep from smiling because that's all he wants to do right now and he suddenly realizes that he's so ready.

“You did.” Yamada says, voice coming out low and playful despite the twinge of nerves he feels at his impromptu decision. “I think about that a lot.”

Chinen squeezes his hand hard at the words, seemingly trying to hold on to that stoic selfcontrol and it's really attractive that he can't. “I also said to stop seducing me.”

“Still? Even if I promise to follow through?” Yamada asks, heart beating hard in his chest, momentarily wondering if Chinen would reject him after all as the silence stretches over a few seconds.

“Are you sure?” Chinen finally asks, turning to look Yamada properly in the eyes, his gaze serious and hopeful.

Yamada licks his lips to get ready to speak, but somehow the words fail him under that gaze and he ends up just nodding.

“Then at least shut up until we're home.” Chinen tells him, and Yamada takes a deep breath before letting go of his hand as they're approaching the station.

 

~*~

 

They manage to catch the last train, which means it's packed with drunk people and it has Chinen squished against Yamada 90% of the time. He can't help but wonder if some greater power is testing him, because he can barely hold himself together as it is right now, and having Yamada's smell all around him and his warmth pressed against his side doesn't help. But they somehow finally reach their building and Yamada starts fishing in his pockets for keys.

The hall light is unforgiving compared to the dimmer one his eyes are used to, and suddenly everything feels much more real. Yamada feels more real where he steps inside and throws his jacket over the chair it always goes over and kicks off his shoes, then pauses before the mirror to fix his hair, probably out of habit.

“Do you want coffee or something?” Yamada asks as Chinen throws his jacket over Yamada's because he can't be bothered with propriety right now, and his eyebrows raise at the suggestion, hoping Yamada's joking.

“No.” Chinen says roughly before he even thinks it through, but his body has been longing for Yamada all evening and all he wants is to wrap arms around him and hold him close.

"... Okay." Yamada agrees, sounding surprised at first but then there's mischief sneaking into his tone as he turns away from the mirror to give Chinen a long, promising look. "Is there... Something else you want?"

"You." Chinen says bluntly, not bothering to think of something smooth to say, and simply reaches out to grab Yamada's wrist and lead him along through the open door to his messy bedroom.

"Damn, okay." Yamada says, but he doesn't seem to be complaining.

He guides Yamada all the way to bed, where he crawls up first and pulls Yamada along, sighing in relief when he feels that warm weight settling over him.

"… You really want me." Yamada mumbles, leaning down to brush lips along Chinen's neck as he speaks and the vibrations over his skin takes another soft sigh from his lips.

"Hey there captain obvious." Chinen tells him airily because wow sometimes Yamada isn't very smart. He's just lucky he's so fucking attractive it makes up for it. "I've only jerked off thinking about you for a year or so."

Yamada pauses, like he needs a moment to process that, and Chinen immediately wonders if he went too far.

But then Yamada's lips are on his and Chinen throws all his caution to the wind, kissing him back with all the want in his body and Yamada shifts a little, settling a knee between Chinen's legs before tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

Their tongues tangle and Chinen's hands start wandering without inhibitions, one starting at Yamada's side just to slowly caress up his chest, pinching a nipple and brushing against his collarbone, while the other hand seeks out Yamada's hair because Chinen loves his hair.

Yamada groans into the kiss, exhaling harshly and Chinen clutches tighter onto him, pulling Yamada closer as he spreads his legs further to accommodate.

The kiss breaks and Chinen feels saliva cooling at the corners of his mouth as he tries to catch his breath while looking at Yamada's face. It proves difficult because he's so inhumanly beautiful and Chinen has never wanted anything or anyone more in his entire life.

"How are you this gorgeous?" Chinen asks seriously, because it's devastating and Yamada should really stop, except he should never ever stop so Chinen can look at him forever and have his breath stolen every time.

Yamada's eyes widen and a faint blush sneaks onto his cheeks before an embarrassed smile claims his lips, and Chinen wonders what was different with his compliment compared to the ones Yamada gets all the time. But then Yamada leans down, lips grazing Chinen's cheek before finding his lips and speaking against them. “You're gorgeous, too.”

Chinen considers saying something about that Yamada clearly doesn't know the meaning of the word, but the kiss is inevitable when their lips are so close and it's much more important than talking. Another thing that feels important is getting rid of clothes, because Chinen can't wait to get Yamada naked, finally, and his hands slip under the thin fabric of Yamada's shirt to start sliding it up.

Yamada quickly realizes what he's doing and takes over, effortlessly pulling the garment over his head and carelessly flings it aside.

Chinen hurries to get rid of his own shirt, barely managing to get the tangle off his arm before sitting up enough to be able to press his mouth against Yamada's collarbone, leaving a trail of messy kisses down his chest and nipples and it makes Yamada growl and buck his hips.

Before Chinen knows it, he's pushed down again, a hand firmly on his shoulder as Yamada leans down to kiss up his throat while his hips roll down against him, and Chinen feels like crawling out of his skin with how much he wants Yamada closer, pressed against him and inside him, everywhere they can possibly touch.

"Yama-chan-" He starts, about to tell Yamada that the whole evening has been foreplay and just get on with it, but Yamada cuts him off.

"You should use my first name. If anyone should do it, shouldn't it be you?" Yamada mumbles against his skin, flicking his tongue out against Chinen's earlobe and Chinen arches.

"Ryosuke." He tries out, the word feeling unusual in his mouth since he's only ever used it when they've been arguing, but it tastes much softer like this.

"Mmm." Yamada hums in his ear while pressing a little closer, and Chinen's not sure if anything has turned him on quicker than that in his entire life, his own hips pushing up to meet Yamada's slow grinds.

"Yuri." Comes a rushed breath against his skin at the pressure, making his hands on Yamada's skin tighten involuntarily because fuck his name has never sounded better. “I want you.”

Chinen's groan is mostly out of frustration but also some relief.

"Take me. Do whatever you want." He says shamelessly, and Yamada's reaction is a tiny moan and a shudder.

"Do you have... stuff?" Yamada asks, sounding a little awkward, like he doesn't know what to call it and it's so cute Chinen has to smile as he motions towards the bedside table.

Yamada gives him an almost incredulous look, like he can't believe it's been there all the time, then reaches over to open the top drawer while Chinen's content to just look at the muscles of his upper body flexing with the movement. Very content, since it takes for Yamada to sit back up and then not move for a long moment before Chinen remembers he should look up at his face.

Yamada's holding the right bottle, but he's looking at it with a frown as if something is wrong, turning it over and eyeing the back sceptically

"Why is this half empty? I thought you said you hadn't been with anyone in a year, doesn't these things expire?" He asks, and the blatant jealousy in his voice heats Chinen's skin but he has to smile as he reaches up to run fingertips softly along Yamada's arm.

"You don't need a partner to use that you know." He says pointedly, but Yamada still frowns as he looks from the bottle to Chinen and back again.

It's easy to see the exact moment he gets it since his eyes widen and lips part soundlessly. "Oh. Oh."

Chinen smiles knowingly up at him, but Yamada's eyes shine with interest and he wets his lips, unable to stay smug with those eyes on him.

"Does... Does it feel that good?"

It's a stupid question, really, but Yamada looks so good asking it, a tint of embarrassed blush on his cheeks while looking at the bottle like it's been keeping a secret from him all his life.

"I'll let you know how good it feels." Chinen replies, his voice coming out lower and more promising than he intended, but at least he didn't suggest Yamada try for himself.

Yamada's eyes immediately leave the bottle in favour of Chinen's face and he inhales sharply, like he just realized what's expected of him.

"You don't have to do it. I can do it myself." Chinen offers even though he doesn't want to do it himself, but he sees the determination on Yamada's face and feels hot all over, a little shame mixing in there for thinking that he'll finally know what Yamada's fingers feel like for real.

They get rid of clothes and it's easy to tell Yamada is nervous, but it only makes Chinen more confident, determined to convince Yamada that this is the best thing he's ever done and that he'll want to do it again and again.

"Do I just..." Yamada starts awkwardly, looking at the bottle next to him on the sheets like he has no idea how to proceed.

"Mm." Chinen agrees, but smiles as he sits up, leaning in to tell soft instructions in Yamada's ear while helping him rub lubrication on the fingers he'll need.

Yamada's reaction to the filthy words is to die for, his breath hitching and Chinen has to press a sloppy kiss against his temple before he lies back again, spreading his legs without even feeling ashamed because he's dying to have those fingers inside him.

When he feels the first uncertain touch to his thigh, his eyes fall closed on their own, enjoying the caress and trying not to be too impatient, repeating to himself that Yamada can take all the time he needs even though he'd rather just push Yamada down and fuck himself on those fingers.

But then there's a wet fingertip exactly where he wants it, and he jumps because he didn't expect it but quickly relaxes again, opening his eyes to look up at Yamada's worried expression.

"Go on." He encourages, voice mostly breath, and Yamada nods once before taking a deep breath and Chinen feels the first prod of a finger slipping inside him, sighing in relief. "Yes."

The finger slowly inches its way further inside him, and even though it's not doing much yet, he knows what it will lead to and Chinen is so ready.

"Okay?" Yamada asks carefully after a while of very gentle stretching, and Chinen nods.

"Another."

“... It's never going to fit.” Yamada mumbles, sounding disbelieving and a little awkward, and Chinen wants to smile but he's too turned on to be patient, and instead he pushes back pointedly.

“Yes it will.” He says, proud of how firm his voice comes out despite his heaving breath.

Yamada hesitates for a little while, but then a second finger joins the first, moving so slowly against the resistance facing them that Chinen almost wants to grab Yamada's wrist and force him to get on with it. At the same time, he's hyper aware of every single centimetre those fingers move inside him, and he arches and shifts restlessly, feeling like he's being tortured in the sweetest possible way.

Then Yamada's fingers carefully spread as well as they can inside him, and there's a millisecond of white hot heat before Chinen's eyes that makes his gasp transition in a loud moan that he doesn't bother holding back. It's so sudden that Yamada jerks, pausing, looking like he has no idea what just happened.

“... What did I do?” Yamada asks, sounding equal parts alarmed and turned on and Chinen reaches out to grab at his shoulders for something to release the pressure.

“Do it again.” He breathes, not patient enough to explain further than that, and Yamada carefully tries spreading his fingers again, slowly curling upwards and Chinen throws his head back and fists the sheets for something to hold on to as he chokes on his breath.

“It really does feel that good, doesn't it.” Yamada mumbles, sounding in awe as he presses more firmly against that spot and Chinen's response is cut off by another heat wave and strangled moan. “Wow.”

“Please shut up and give me one more.” Chinen gets out, because even if he's not really ready for another finger he just wants Yamada to fuck him, now. Who cares if he's sore tomorrow.

Yamada bites his lip, looking like he's going to question it again, but then takes a breath and withdraws his fingers enough to add a third. Chinen's hands relocate from the sheets to Yamada's shoulders to release some pressure, involuntarily clenching around Yamada's fingers and Yamada groans.

Eventually, Chinen decides that enough is enough and pushes at Yamada's arm to make him withdraw it. “I'm ready, come on, fuck me.”

It's almost a whine but he doesn't care what it sounds like right now, and Yamada's eyes are dark and his cheeks are flushed as he pulls out his fingers, leaving Chinen feeling so empty.

He watches as Yamada sits back enough to roll on a condom and lube himself up, clearly familiar with this part at least and Chinen clenches at air when Yamada's eyes fall closed as he touches himself.

There's a rustle of sheets as Yamada positions himself, the tip of his cock just at Chinen's entrance when Yamada leans over him to press a kiss to his sweaty cheek.

“Ready?” He asks, a completely unnecessary question but Chinen gets the feeling it's for his own sake rather than Chinen's, and he reaches up to gently stroke hair behind Yamada's ear.

“So ready.” He agrees. “Show me why everyone wants to sleep with you.”

Chinen catches a glimpse of Yamada's slutty smirk before he starts pushing inside and Chinen's eyes fall closed on their own accord as he tries to breathe through the pressure and he almost regrets rushing Yamada through the preparations. Almost.

Yamada's breath is laced with a continuous flow of swearwords, his voice much brighter and Chinen forces his eyes open to look at his face as he bottoms out. Yamada's dark eyes are half-closed and his lips are parted to release shallow breaths, the flush stretching down his chest and he looks even more gorgeous than Chinen's fantasies have ever conjured up.

“So tight. Fuck so tight.” He mumbles, and Chinen slowly runs soothing fingers through Yamada's hair as he tries his best to breathe himself.

Then suddenly his muscles clench on their own, making them both groan, and Yamada rolls his hips in a smooth, light thrust and Chinen loses his mind.

Lips come down to meet his, breaths and moans mingling since none of them can keep up a kiss, Chinen's hands clawing at Yamada's shoulders as he tries to survive each wave of scorching heat Yamada sends through his entire body. Sex has never felt so intense before, like he can't breathe, like he's overheated and he needs to come soon or he's going to die, and he clings to Yamada's hot skin for some kind of grounding. The sounds falling from his lips are shameless, little groans and whimpers when Yamada hits him so deliciously right he sees sparkles at the corners of his eyes, and still he doesn't want it to end. Yamada's moans are low and guttural and seems to spread over Chinen's skin like a physical caress, raising goosebumps all the way down his arms and he almost feels like he could come untouched like this. But he feels Yamada lose rhythm more often, hears the pitch of his voice rise and he knows Yamada's close too, so he takes a hand from Yamada's shoulder to slide between their bodies. He arches as he wraps a hand around himself, and Yamada pushes himself up enough to get more leverage, a warm hand on one of Chinen's legs pushing it further up for a better angle, and just like that he drowns in his own orgasm, gasping for air between the sounds forcing themselves past his lips as he trashes against the sheets, fingers digging into Yamada's shoulders.

He would have preferred Yamada to pause, but he can't speak and it only takes a few erratic thrusts before Yamada's hips jerk and his face drops to Chinen's neck as he moans through his orgasm, sending shivers of post orgasmic pleasure all over Chinen's skin.

He eases his grip on Yamada's shoulder carefully, lets the fingertips of his clean hand run down his spine and feels the cooling sweat on his skin. Yamada slowly catches his breath against Chinen's neck and even though Chinen can name a lot of places he'll hurt tomorrow, he's never felt more content.

Eventually, Yamada heaves himself up on shaky arms, enough to pull out and let Chinen's legs down, the concern in his face heartwarming.

“Are you okay?” He asks softly, voice a little raspy.

“God yes.” Chinen agrees, wondering how Yamada can't see the glow of satisfaction around him, but Yamada just smiles as he discards the condom before falling down onto the sheets next to him with a sigh.

“That was so good.” He mumbles after a second of silence, and Chinen reaches out to pull him close, doesn't care about what a mess both of them are and that a shower would do them good.

“That was the best sex I've ever had.” He admits, because it was. “You lived up to my expectations.”

Yamada laughs softly before he leans in to place a soft, lingering kiss on Chinen's shoulder. “If it feels that good, I want to try it eventually too.”

The words make Chinen shudder and he groans because he's not ready to be turned on again already.

“Can't you ever stop saying suggestive things.” He complains, but he's not really complaining, and Yamada's lips just relocate to hover right above his.

“Make me.” He mumbles, that teasing smile on his lips and Chinen doesn't think twice before rolling them over to kiss Yamada quiet.

He's starting to feel confident that this time, Yamada will still be here when he wakes up.

 

~*~